Temari's strange vacation
by Sabaku-no-amber
Summary: sort of what the title says but more interesting. The first chapter sux.
1. Tsunade the crazy woman

Disclaimer: I do not own any anime/manga characters. If I did the world would seem smaller than it is…

Chapter 1

The two of them turned to look at their sand ridden village as they left the gates of Sunagakure for an important mission (vacation) in Konohagakure. It took the two a while to convince their brother to let them do this and to make it seem less conspicuous they had to disguise it as a mission to improve bonds with Konoha.

"Quit gawking at the gate and lets go" Temari told her younger brother Kankuro

"The only reason you wanted to go was so you could rape Shikamaru" replied Kankuro only to get the shit beaten into him by a giant fan.

The rest of the trip was silent and the only thing to keep them from murdering each other was the sight of the gates of hell…. I uh mean Konoha. They pulled out their passes and entered konoha, then headed for the hokage's office.

They walked up the long spiraling stairs, stopped at the door to her office and knocked.

The door opened and two other shinobi walked out as they went into the room and sat down. Tsunade looked at her newly arrived

guests with great enthusiasm then she said "What is this I hear about an important mission to improve ties with konoha?" I had no choice

but to reply to this by saying "Gaara sent us here to stay for a few months and get to know the village's inhabitants but I suppose you

already knew that." Tsunade grinned maliciously and summoned Shizune to find us a place to stay and to make sure that we stayed

separated on Gaara's request. It didn't take Shizune long to get Kankuro situated but as for me she turned with the same grin Tsunade

had and said "I know the perfect place to put you and it just so happens that he lives alone." "Your going to stay in Nara Shikamaru's

house whether he likes it or not" and with this she dragged me all the way to a stunningly nice looking house near a lake with a bridge and

a sakura tree. Shizune walked up the steps with me trailing behind and knocked on the door. I heard a crash and some feet running

hrough the grass. To my surprise when I looked to the west of the house I saw him run down the hill and jump into the lake. Apparently

Shizune saw it to because she screamed and started at a quick pace toward the lake where he had jumped. She looked down into the

water and said "Did you think you could get away or are you just stupid." "You remember what Tsunade said so there is no point in

trying to run away." He slowly got out of the lake and walked up to me with a glare that even I wasn't aware he could do. Shizune said to

Shikamaru "you already know the details of the mission Tsunade assigned to you so I suggest you do it correctly for this will determine

the fate of both Konoha and Suna" then she left us standing on his porch. He looked at me and said " You troublesome woman you made

me break my window so just get inside and be quite before I end up killing myself" then he opened the door and we walked in.


	2. Temari explores his house

As she walked through the front door she was surprised to see that his house was clean considering how lazy he is.

She sat down on his couch which was leather and black her two favorite things other than the grey lavender of the kimono's she used to wear.

She stared at Shikamaru while he tried to fix his window with a smirk on his face. She decided to take advantage of his irritation and said " Its not my fault you tried to escape out the window and your lazy ass ended up breaking it so don't get mad at me."

Obviously her plan had worked because he was now red in the face and storming out the door, then her came back in and told her not to touch anything while he goes to find a replacement for the broken window.

Five minutes later she got bored and decided to look around his house even after he told her to stay put.

She walked up stairs and saw four doors two on the left, one on the right and one at the end of the hallway which surprised her because the house looked much small on the outside. The she realized that it changed when you look from a certain angle.

The first room she checked was the one on the right. She opened the door and found a large room that looked like a library. It had tones of bookshelves and two desks, one had a computer on it and the other looked to be for reading and documents on missions.

She walked to one of the bookshelf's and to her amazement found the Nara family medicine and technique handbook but setting right next to that was a series of icha icha books from Kakashi obviously.

The next room was at the end of the hall. It had a rather nice door frame with deer on it which was a complete turn off to Temari when she looked at it in a certain way, but when she opened the door she thought it was calming because it had a nice air to the way the soft gray blended with the lighting.

There was a king size bed and a bathroom on the right so she assumed it was his room. Which made her more curious to what the rest of his house was like considering how clean everything was in that room.

When she opened the door to the next room she noticed it was another bedroom with a mixture of black and lavender swirled onto the walls and a bed smaller bed than the previous room but the floors were tatami and it had a dresser in there too so she was fine with the room.

The last room on that hall was small and appeared to be used when he practiced any kind of jutsu or Nara family technique he didn't want any seeing. She thought that was a very smart Idea but left anyway.

She went into the kitchen to check it out and stumbled a cross something that seemed out of place, but when she tried to move the thing instead of lifting free it moved a different direction revealing a secret door in the kitchen floor. She found this the most spectacular thing but when she went down there and saw what it was she ran out and hid the path back the way it was.

If you want to know what was down there then you will have to read chapter three because she doesn't want to tell you.

Shikamaru entered the Broken window depot () and went to browse through their selection of window glass until he found the on with the words "I broke my previous window trying to escape from woman with a giant fan" etched into the glass.

He walked up to the cashier and gave him the product number to have someone install the new window in his house.

Then he left to find a grocery store quickly and get back before she started to rummage through his stuff and find some well hidden secret passages with dark secrets inside. (I'm so crazy don't you just love me)

Temari decide that the rest of his house was probably boring so she sat back down on his couch, picked up his remote and turned the on the television.

To her dismay everything on there was boring and had something to do with nature of konoha news.

As soon as she turned off the T.V. the door opened and he walked in carrying a bag full of groceries.

He looked at her and asked "have you been sitting there the whole time I was gone?"

Temari lied and said "Yes and your television sucks ass. What is with all the nature crap?

Shikamaru paid no attention to her reply and set the groceries on the table, then sat down next to her on the couch.

It was already getting late and she was hungry. She didn't know how to cook either and she wasn't going to tell him that so she just stared at a spot on the wall while they sat in silence.

Suddenly a knock came on the door so Shikamaru groaned and got up to see who was knocking.

A few seconds later Ino and Chouji were walking through the door and talking loudly which gave Temari a headache.

Then Ino froze and stared blankly at Temari who returned her stare with a half hearted smile. Chouji noticed to so he told Ino what Shikamaru was telling him about the hokage making him house Temari until the kazekage was satisfied and called his siblings back to Suna.

Chouji and Ino made themselves comfortable while Shikamaru decided to get off his lazy ass and cook something.

Then Ino said "Shikamaru what the hell happened to your window?" and Chouji laughed because he had already figured it out.

Soon they sat around a table in a room Temari did not explore since the secret room in the kitchen.

As usual Chouji stuffed his face to his hearts content while Ino and Temari sat exchanging glares followed by a irritated groan from Shikamaru who noticed the whole thing.

The rest of the dinner went by slowly and quietly. Then Ino and Chouji left and Temari just sat there not knowing what to do.

Shikamaru yawned and told Temari she could have the guests room but don't get up anytime past 1:00 or he will find a reason to send her with Kankuro.

She got up and went to the room without him even telling her where it was which let him know that she had been snooping around his house. She went to bed and was woken by a knocking on her window.

This turned out to be Kankuro but she ignored him and went back to sleep.

What will happen next who knows probably won't be till Wednesday afternoon when I update it.


	3. A more motivated Shikamaru

Disclaimer: I do no own Temari or Shikamaru If I did the world would end.

Temari woke early the next morning and lay in the bed pondering yesterdays events. She got up, went into the bathroom, and stared at herself in the mirror. Looking at her messy hair she decided to take a shower.

She grabbed her clothes, locked the door, and turned on the hot water.

* * *

Shikamaru was already in the kitchen cooking breakfast when he heard someone running water upstairs. Then he remembered that Shizune had made him house Temari for an important mission.

He knew this would happen as soon as he found out Temari and her brother Kankuro were coming, but he expected Kankuro to stay here too. He decided that this was Tsunade's fault and that she had planned this the whole time.

* * *

She stepped out of the shower and put on her clothes, then she put her hair up in the usual four ponytails. After she did this she decided to go down stairs to make Shikamaru's life more of a hell than it already was.

Temari walked out of the room and headed downstairs into the living room where she saw Shikamaru sitting down in the kitchen.

She looked at him with utmost curiosity because he was so lazy with absolutely no motivation, other than the clouds; she thought he would still be sleeping in his room.

This fact struck Temari with so much curiosity that she decided to sit down next to him and watch him all day.

* * *

Shikamaru felt Temari sit down next to him and what's worse he could feel the brutal woman's piercing gaze as if she was reading his every thought and movement like he were some foreign creature she had never seen before.

He decided to get up and walk away to his room as if she were never there, but as he got up she did to and when he went toward the staircase she followed like a lost dog in a room full of wolves.

This scared him out of his mind so he turned to her and said "If you are hungry there is breakfast on the stove and if you don't want that then find something you do want and get it." What scared him the most was when she replied to this by saying "Oh no thanks I'm not hungry"

This frustrated him beyond belief because he could not figure out why she was following his every move.

* * *

Temari thought the noises he kept making were funny, though she knew he didn't think this was funny at all. She knew she was putting herself in a bad place when she made his life a living hell its just that doing this felt like something she had to do.

Temari also knew that if she wanted him to continue being her friend she needed to stop getting on his nerves but he was almost the only person who ever really paid any attention to her. Which made her feel noticed for once in her life as more than just the strongest kunoichi but as a person.

* * *

Shikamaru was really getting annoyed by no but as if a sign from the powers that be the maniacal sand kunoichi turned her back and left him go his way. So he just went upstairs to that library room to get his family book and take it to the room he uses when he doesn't want to be bothered. This room just so happens to be another secret room and the best thing about it is that it can only be opened by someone from the Nara clan.

He walked over to the smallest bookshelf, pushed it over and opened a large panel in the wall. He took his hand and cut it open with a kunai and placed it on a small pad inside the panel, then he took a key and put it into a slot next to his hand. After that he punched in a code on a keypad written in brail.

A few seconds later a door opened up in the floor also with a set of stairs leading into and underground labyrinth filled with many more secret doors including the one Temari had found earlier.

He walked down the dark hallway past a bright room where he kept a deer pen that he used to raise deer for medicine in spite of the one his parents kept. The thing is they had no idea he had any of this and maybe it was for the best. Come to think of it no one knew about his labyrinth except Temari but he doesn't know that.

* * *

Temari went back up to her room and sat down on the bed. She began to think about the way Shikamaru had been acting lately and it didn't make any sense. He had never acted like this before. Normally when she aggravated him he would tell her she was troublesome and would ignore it for the rest of the day and that was about it.

Temari was bored and didn't handle that very well so she went around Shikamaru's house looking for something to do and when she couldn't find any thing she decide to look for him.

About twenty minutes past and she still couldn't find him though she knew he couldn't leave his house with her in it. So she decided to go find that secret door in the kitchen an explore it.

She went down to the kitchen and pulled at the lever thingy and it but it wouldn't open which she thought to be strange and a few minutes past as she tried to open it up but still it wouldn't reveal itself to her.

Shikamaru returned from the library after she gave up trying to open the door in the kitchen. He walked toward the front door, then he turned toward Temari and said "I will be leaving for a while and I still have to wait for the broken window depot people to come install my new window so would you stay and watch for them while I go on some errands?"

Temari nodded her head and watched him walk out the door noticing how swiftly he moved when he walked which made her blush and then turn away toward the kitchen to try her luck at that door again.

She pulled the lever once more and this time the door opened allowing her to move down the steps and then the door closed behind her and everything was dark.

Temari pulled out a lighter, only heaven knows where she got that from, and found a torch which she thought was a strange thing to have in ones basement, which is what she thought this was after a few minutes and some logical thinking. She found a light switch on a wall and flipped it on, then she put out the torch and set it down where she got it.

She was flabbergast as she saw a room full of medicines and old books on ancient Nara remedies and antidotes. She saw that this was not the only room so she wandered around the chamber only to find a whole underground sanctuary full of plants and deer, rabbits and foxes almost every thing a highly trained medical ninja would need and more.

The idea of Nara Shikamaru being able to accomplish such a tremendous responsibility much less afford to pay expenses bewildered her beyond extent. Temari had no idea that the lazy ninja would take the time to do this which made her think of how lucky she was to have been able to stay in his house, even though her own brother was the Kazekage and he had shukaku stolen from him a long time ago she felt it was a privilege to be his friend.

Temari now thought she understood why he has had such a change in the way he did things and she liked the new mature version of Shikamaru it never ceased to fascinate her.

* * *

Shikamaru had also noticed a change in Temari since yesterday when she arrived. He perceived her to be more womanly and slightly less violent toward him. He also regarded her more as a woman than when they first met three years ago during the chuunin exams when she was just some girl who scared him more than his mother. In a way she still scared him more than his mother and this was a great accomplishment since just about everyone was afraid of Nara Yoshino.

He really wasn't doing anything that had to do with errands he just wanted time to get out of his house and think with fresh air and clouds to make things easier for him.

* * *

Temari heard a knocking on the door so she found the way out after figuring how to reopen the door and closed the passageway back up to go see who was knocking.

She opened the door and found the window installers standing there with a new window ready for placement.

Then she noticed that one of those installers was Naruto and to her surprise right behind him was Uchiha Itachi. She let them in and led them to the spot where the window had been busted out and watched them get to work.

When they were finished Itachi left and Naruto followed but as he walked past the door he whispered in her ear "You have to help me. Itachi keeps raping me and nobody will believe me when I tell them. Also Sakura keeps beating me to oblivion whenever she hears me say that because she loves her Itachi puppet.

Temari made a strange face of disgust and then tried to keep from laughing at Naruto in his weak idiotic state. After they left she felt tired and fell asleep on the couch.

* * *

Please rate and comment.

P.S. My friend Kelsey told me to put some Naruto and Itachi rape in there because she thinks it's funny.


	4. Is this FMA or Naruto lets find out

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto so don't blame me if he gets raped by a guy or Itachi for that matter in last chapter. Please comment.

* * *

Temari woke up to a lazy shadow master staring at her. She looked at him and asked what the time was to which he replied "time to get off my couch because dinner has been cooked and its getting cold." She smirked then she sat up and looked around. She told Shikamaru about the installer and what Naruto had said about Itachi raping him and nobody believed it. 

Shikamaru only laughed and ate his food which irritated Temari because she expected a reply and he quickly caught on because he said "Naruto is always saying things like that because he doesn't like Sasuke's brother since he is the reason Sasuke left konoha for Orochimaru and up in a fight between Kisame and Itachi." "But they weren't fighting Sasuke they were fighting each other because Itachi kept talking about how much he loved purple nail polish and hated the color blue and well you probably can figure out what happened considering that Kisame himself is blue."

The two of them sat silently for most of their dinner until Kakashi showed up with the newest issue of Icha Icha Paradise (Make out paradise) and tried to offer a volume to Shikamaru who bluntly refused, and shoved him out the door so that Temari wouldn't take offense by the book.

* * *

When Shikamaru was out cloud gazing Kankuro showed up with a letter for Temari and Shikamaru just now remembered so he decided to give it to her now before he forgets again. So he got Temari's attention from her plate and said "I got this letter earlier from Kankuro that he told me to give to you." Temari didn't like this so she said "Why the hell did he not give it to me himself. You should have made him take it and shove it up his ass but I guess that would have been too troublesome for you so just give it to me."

* * *

He gave her the letter and stood over her shoulder while she opened it and read the letter this is what it says: 

**Dear Temari bitch from hell,**

**I am leaving Konoha because this village is boring but Kazekage ….I uh mean Gaara says you have to stay because this is no longer a vacation. Gaara has heard that the mist and sound villages are plotting revenge on Suna and we could use all the help we can get. So I will go to the village blessed by the star and the village hidden behind the waterfall.**

**Your younger brother, Kankuro**

**P.S. Gaara says not to destroy anyone's houses especially Shikamaru's**

**P.S.S. He also says not to be raping anyone without they're permission but you can't rape the willful as I always say.**

This letter pissed Temari off so bad Shikamaru could actually feel the room turn icy cold as she excused herself from the table and stomped upstairs to her room. She wasn't angry because he left it was because he said all that stuff in the heading and the P.S. thing while Shikamaru was reading it over her shoulder. She thought that Kankuro had known that Shikamaru was going to read it too.

She took a few minutes so she could calm down then she went back down stairs.

Shikamaru saw her come back down but decided not to approach her just yet until her aura died a bit then he walked over to her and said "That letter was a very important one maybe we should report to the Hokage and see what she thinks about this problem your village is having. Maybe we could get her to dispatch some ninja to each allying village to provide help for Sunagakure.

Temari liked this idea except for the part where Tsunade gets to read the letter but she decide to go through with that idea and they left to find the Hokage.

They found Tsunade inside her office sleeping but as soon as they entered she woke up and pretended to be working but she wasn't fooling anyone.

Temari gave her the letter and she read it for a few seconds because it wasn't very long. When she finished she had a look of seriousness on her face, so Shikamaru explained what he thought they should do but Tsunade refused to listen. All the hokage did was whisper into Shikamaru's and he yelled "you knew about that but how I thought I hid it very carefully that is impossible but I guess now that you know I will show her."

The two left Tsunade to her sleeping and quickly returned to Shikamaru's house. When the got inside her locked the door and made sure the blinds were shut, then he turned to Temari and said "I have something Tsunade wants me to show you so come with me."

He walked up the stairs and went into the library room making sure she was following him then he closed the blinds in there to and she closed the door.

He pushed the bookcase aside, opened the panel, and slit is palm. Temari watched with interest as he did this. Then he pulled out the key put it into the slot and turned it, after this he punched in the code and the door opened into the ground and he beckoned her to follow him down the stairs into the labyrinth.

Temari hadn't seen this side but it appeared to be the other side of the one she did see.

Shikamaru turned to her and told her they would need to catch a deer, a rabbit, and a snake. Then they went into his underground forest and searched for the thing they needed. The deer was easy to find because Shikamaru handled deer so much they became accustomed to people and would walk right up to you. So they were swarmed by these but they needed one with horns which seemed to be more vicious but still it was an easy catch. Looking for a snake was harder and Temari couldn't use her fan or it would tear up the forest and Shikamaru would be mad. Shikamaru finally caught a rabbit but still no sign of a snake until Temari climbed a tree and found a garters snake up there but it got away and a little while later she found a black racer and chased it down with little success but then she cornered it and grabbed it by the head to take to Shikamaru.

Shikamaru removed the horn from the deer, then he removed the skin from the snake and after that he held the rabbit and told Temari to retrieve his father and bring him here.

Looking for Shikaku Nara was not hard because he was either being whipped by his wife Yoshino or tending to his deer when he wasn't away on a mission.

As it turns out he was being whipped but Temari interrupted this and as soon as she did Yoshino (Shikamaru's mom whips his dad. Apparently Nara's have a thing for rough and violent women.) stopped what she was doing looked up at Temari and said in an amazingly kind voice "What can I do for you?" Temari replied "Shikamaru sent me to retrieve Shikaku and bring him to him." Temari told Yoshino that she could wait a minute and for her to commence the beating so she could watch and be amused.

When the beatings were over Shikaku and Temari turned to leave when Yoshino stopped them to ask who Temari was and why Shikamaru needed Shikaku. Temari told her "I am Temari of the Sand and I don't know why Shikamaru needs him. He just told me to get him and come straight back." Yoshino nodded and they left.

They arrived at Shikamaru's house once more and she led him to the library and saw that the door was closed so she decided to try to open it using Shikaku.

She opened the panel grabbed Shikaku's hand and slit it open then she placed it on the pad and told him to leave it there. She turned toward the bookcase and started feeling back of it until she felt another panel opened and as she as she expected found a spare key in there. She placed the key in the slot and punched the word crazy lady into the pad. This was obviously the right thing to do because the door in the floor opened and Shikaku almost had a heart attack when the walked down the stairs and saw Shikamaru sitting there inside a forest meadow.

Shikamaru smirked and told them to hurry up then Temari and Shikaku followed Shikamaru down the labyrinth corridor into the room with all the symbols on the walls and floors.

Shikamaru Pulled the Nara book out and opened it to page 4,203 and read the directions to a potion. First he slit open the still living rabbits neck and drained the blood onto a circle that looked similar to a transmutation circle then the shredded the snakeskin and placed it in the blood, after this he ground up the deer horn and poured it over the blood and mixed it around on the ground a little bit. The instructions asked for three Nara family members but since there were only two who could do this, Shikamaru asked Temari to help and they placed their hands over the messy floor concoction and their hands illuminated green and the circle emitted a blue light. Then the snake skin began to dry and fused itself with the blood and ground powder and began to solidify into a giant crystal. After this the light disappeared and the stone fell and broke into three pieces.

Shikamaru picked up the pieces and placed them in his pocket then Him and his father turned to look at Temari and said "You cannot and will not tell or try to repeat anything you have seen go on down her or you will suffer the consequences that the Nara family bestow on you. Do you understand?"

Temari raised her hands up in front of her the way she did when she tried to keep Gaara from attacking them in the forest of death and said "Don't worry I won't tell any on and I'm am probably unable to repeat this without someone from your clan to help me."

* * *

**What are the stones for? Why was Yoshino so nice? find out in the next chapter. You know you want to read more because I have the IQ of 117 and I am only 14 and that is unusually high for someone my age. **


	5. Shikamaru's tiny mistake

Disclaimer: I do not own Temari or the Nara clan. So read this and review because I need more reviewers.

* * *

The three heard an angry moan and saw Yoshino come out into the doorway staring violently at her husband and her son. "What have I told you about breaking the rules Shikaku? Why did you let this girl perform one of our techniques when you could have used me?" said Yoshino angrily to her husband, then she turned to her son and said "You know better than to let someone who is not from this clan use much less see our families secret jutsu's. So what do you intend to do about this? You have three choices and you know what they are. For this girls sake you'd better make the right decision."

Then Yoshino walked up to Shikamaru, grabbed the book from his hand and used it to hit Shikaku across the face three times, then she grabbed him by his pony tail and dragged him out the door and up the stairs of Shikamaru's labyrinth.

Shikamaru turned to look at Temari apologetically then he said "I have chosen option two which requires me to keep you under my surveillance at all times for one month or longer if needed." Temari asked what options one and three were and he said "Option one was to erase your memory" he blushed for a moment and continued "and Option three is to make you a member of this clan by marriage." Temari's face flushed red and she turned away quietly

* * *

Shikamaru picked up the book and the left his secret underground place in awkward silence. They walked out of the library room and saw Shikaku and Yoshino waiting on Shikamaru's couch impatiently. Yoshino looked up at her son and said "So what are you going to do Shikamaru?" He looked at his mom and said "I choose to hold Sabaku no Temari under my surveillance for exactly one month.

Yoshino nodded and walked the door with her husband trailing behind. Temari sat down on his couch thinking about the mess and Shikamaru stated the rules to her surveillance:

1.All letters must be checked by him before she sends them out.

2.She is not to leave his house without being accompanied by him or a member of his family.

3.She cannot be left out of his sight for more than a minute.

4.She can only contact home once every two weeks. If needed her time will be extended for extra measures.

* * *

Temari agreed to this and obeyed all of Shikamaru's rules even though she felt a little bit too restrained she continued to respect the rules. This is something she rarely does. She wrote a letter to Gaara about how everyone in konoha was so nice and decent, but when Shikamaru read the letter he knew she was lying because the people of konoha hated the Sand Siblings ever since they played a role in the arranged destruction of Konoha and failed.

After the first day Shikamaru stopped watching Temari because he knew she could be trusted, even though her village had hired her to play a role in the destruction of konoha he knew she didn't want to fight them. Shikaku stopped in every once in a while because his wife wanted to make sure Shikamaru was doing his job correctly.

Two weeks past and Temari was I the clear, but an unexpected visit may have ruined the whole thing. As it turns out Shikaku got tired of visiting his sons house so he hired the best ninja he could think of that would pay close attention to actually stay Shikamaru's house to make sure he is doing what he is supposed to do. He had hired Aburame Shino a ninja full of wise metaphors and always gets a job done correctly the first time but is too quiet and some say creepy.

* * *

Within the next month the surveillance of Sabaku no Temari was over and she was free to do as she pleased. Shino congratulated her on passing the surveillance without getting into trouble and left. Yoshino must have been satisfied because she apologized for making this happen and invited them for dinner that night.

* * *

Temari smiled as Yoshino left her to continue polishing her fan quietly. Then Shikamaru came in with some groceries and set them on the table. Temari looked up and said "Your mom came in a little while ago and asked us to come over for dinner if you don't mind" the expression on Shikamaru's face changed from a look of fear to shock as she said this. He put up the groceries quickly and ran up to his room without a word to her.

* * *

Up in his room Shikamaru paced the floor wondering what his mom was going to do. He thought to him self "Why does she even want for me and Temari to come anyway unless she plans to do something mean." Shikamaru knew something was going on and it was going to happen tonight.

He walked back down stairs and looked around the kitchen to find a clock.

He looked at one and saw that his mom would want him over in an hour so he told Temari he wanted her to take a shower before they went over to his mom's house so she couldn't say anything mean about her. Then he paced around some more and decided to go out to the lake for a minute so he could think straight.

* * *

Temari turned the water on to the shower and was out in ten minutes wondering why Shikamaru thought his mom was going to say something mean about her. She dried her hair and pulled it up into its usually ponytails once more and went back down stairs.

Shikamaru went upstairs into his bathroom to see if there was anymore towels and he only saw one so he decide to also take a shower because his mom is always finding things to criticize him for and he didn't feel up to that tonight even though he knew she was going to anyway. It took him only ten minutes to take a shower but he still kept himself busy. Then he went down stairs and the two of them left for his mom and dads house.

* * *

What will happen at his mom's house? Find out on the next episode of dragon ball Z…..I uh mean find out in the next chapter of Temari's strange vacation. 


	6. Dinner could not be any stranger

Chapter 6

They began walking all the way across Konoha because Shikamaru placed his house as far away from his mother as he could. For a while they walked in silence until old friends broke the quiet.

They talked to Inuzuka Kiba who they found out was dating a member of the mountain wolf-demon tribe named Ayame though she isn't a ninja she is still powerful. The saw a very strange sight completely y accident.

It was Ino and Chouji being overly intimate but I don't think they realize that there were people around them.

The worst thing about this walk was when they saw Haruno Sakura and Rock Lee walking into Lee's house hand-in-hand, but the strangest thing they saw was Hinata running around the ANBU training ground giggling with Naruto chasing her screaming something completely absurd I think he was yelling "I am going to tickle you til you vomit if you don't give my headband back."But I guess it was too hard to make out, it kept sounding different every time I think about it.

Nothing very interesting happened after that and the rest of the walk remained silent with not even a person in sight.

When they finally arrived Shikaku was standing outside with a pitiful look on his face, that Temari learned meant he had been whipped by his wife again because Shikamaru made this face whenever she tortured him. He looked toward Shikamaru and said "You are late and your mother is having a fit."

The three of them walked in to see Shikamaru's mom setting the table. She had long black her that was pulled back into a pony tail at the end and went down to her back. Her face was fierce yet at the same time kindly and gentle looking. She was wearing a dark pinkish red shirt and a brown skirt (Strange combination but that's what she was wearing when I saw a picture of her).

She looked at Temari and nodded toward the sofa so she sat down as Yoshino dragged Shikamaru of to another room out of site. They came back a minute with odd looks on their faces. Shikamaru had a look Temari never saw him make, it was the look of embarrassment and His mom had kind of an "I have a lot in store for you" look on her face.

They all got up and walked into dining room. Shikaku sat down first and his wife sat in the seat next to him probably so she could whip him if he misbehaved. That left the two chairs on the other side of the table also setting side-by-side.

The two of them sat down and looked at the food arranged on the table. They helped themselves and ate quietly that is until Yoshino started to talk. "Have you heard about that fox girl running around konoha screaming "My name is Kelsey and I love to make amber angry by trying to steal Gaara?" (A/n Kelsey is a good friend and she writes stories under the pen name FoXySlY" "No but tell me more about this Amber person that owns Gaara? I must know?" Temari replied. "Maybe you should ask Gaara" Shikamaru said.

The rambling went on about the Amber owning Gaara situation but in real life it is Gaara owning Amber or at least that's what he says to me every day. Then came the embarrassment as Yoshino said "Did you know that when Shikamaru was little he used to run around in his underwear yelling SPANK ME MOMMY I'VE BEEN A BAD BOY."

Then all of a sudden there was a voice coming from the window behind Temari's head saying "did you know that I used to be a Demon in a pig suit running around konoha screaming I own Gaara but in reality I was a Wolf in a demon suit inside a pig suit inside Gaara's gourd and strapped to his back that's when I found out that Kankuro Had Yaoi porn magazines stashed inside Gaara's gourd?!"

They all turned toward the window and saw a dirty blonde lady about 1 year younger than Temari with wave long hair and next to her to everyone's disbelief was Gaara, Sasuke, and FoXySlY. Then they ran off into the darkness without turning back.

They rest of dinner was spent conversing about the strange appearance at the window and how much Shikamaru loved his underwear and whippings. Then Temari and Shikamaru left and returned to his house. Temari sat down and wrote another letter that said:

**Dear Gaara,**

**I saw a strange girl named Amber running around Konoha saying strange stuff about you. The worst thing she did was show up at Yoshino's window saying something about a demon wolf pig and Kankuro owning gay magazines. If you are hiding something you better tell me or I will destroy Mr. Bear for good and tell everyone about you wetting the bed.**

**Sincerely, Your loving sister Temari**

She thought about the letter for a second before placing it in an envelope and sending it out by hawk, hawks travel faster than the ninja mailmen do even as crazy about mail as they are. Then she stretched and went to bed without even saying a word to Shikamaru.

* * *

Sorry it was so short this time but I put my self in this chapter because I am having a writers block sort of. If you are wondering I am the one who lived I Gaara's gourd for a long time disguised as a wolf inside a demon suit inside a pig suit. Yes Gaara owns me. 


	7. The Councils plan

Disclaimer: I don't own Gaara he owns me.

* * *

Shikamaru woke early the next morning and decided to visit his Sensei Sarutobi Asuma's resting place to pay his respect once more and clear his head of yesterday's questionable events.

* * *

Meanwhile a council was being held in Sunagakure. The council was very small only consisting of three people and one was the 80 year old Ebizo younger brother of Chiyo, the woman who gave up her life to resurrect Gaara when the Akatsuki captured him and removed shukaku so he died.

The second member was Masahiro a man who never shut up I guess he was the mouth behind the council, then there was the brains behind every decision the council made she was also the daughter of Masahiro and was only 1 year older than Gaara her name was Amber.

Amber had a lot of enemies and people who would like to get her out of the council any way they could, because it was her who convinced Ebizo and Masahiro to allow Gaara to continue being Kazekage after he died and was resurrected and all the Gaara fan girls hate her very much for what reason nobody knows.

All of a sudden one of Temari's carrier hawks flew in with a letter addressed to the Kazekage. The council watched him take the letter and read it. He looked up and the meeting began starting with Gaara.

* * *

**Gaara:** "I have called this meeting to discuss our Alliances with the other villages in neighboring nations and I have noticed that since the fourth Kazekage they have been weakened so we must find ideas to strengthen them if you know of anything we can do than speak it now.

Gaara watched as Amber leaned over and whisper into Ebizo's ear who nodded and whispered into Masahiro's ear and also nodded before they continued.

**Masahiro: **"Might we have a group of kunoichi travel to all Five of the most powerful hidden villages and become betrothed to one of their shinobi and do that for each village including the enemy ones?"

**Gaara:** "We are not enemies with the five great nations so that shouldn't be a problem. I will use this tactic and work from there.

They continued the discussion about who the candidates should be.

**Amber:** "Why don't we ask each of the kunoichi in our village if they will do it or we may just drive our village to its destruction. It's up to you Kazekage Sama."

That was the first time she had actually spoken for her self since she first became a member of the council and Masahiro did not like it at all. Masahiro glared at his outspoken daughter and said "I don't want to hear you speak out of place again and if you do their will be severe punishment waiting to take action across you loud mouth".

Gaara didn't like this at all because woman were as equal as men in his village so her furiously objected "No from know on if she has something to say or an idea she must speak it for herself and you two will keep your opinions about this to yourselves and speak your own words not hers. Do you understand me?"

Then Ebizo started laughing saying how Chiyo would have said the same thing all the while Masahiro continued to glare at his outspoken daughter with her new privilege. Gaara got up and dismissed the council but then he stopped the door and locked it leaving Amber in the room with him.

* * *

He gave her the letter and told her to read it because she was the only person he knew with a foreign name. She looked at him after reading it and said "What is the meaning of this slander? I haven't been to Konoha since 3 years ago when I sent word of your death." "Then that must mean that this is someone posing as you to get you fired or it maybe just a joke" said Gaara "I have an idea about who it is but I don't think I possibly can or will do anything about it without losing my place in the council anyway." Amber said because she is so pessimistic and she also speaks in a monotone (just like me). "If this gets out into the public it will get you into some even more serious trouble than losing your place in the council." Replied an agitated Gaara once more (he was agitated because she was so stubborn about this and she wasn't giving him the upper hand like everyone else does). "There is nothing I can do toward my own defense because nothing can be proven and I doubt anyone has power over the council and nobody would be willing enough to help me anyway so it is useless for me to even try to win something I know can't result in anything good" said Amber for the last time because the conversation was broken off or rather interrupted when Kankuro came in with an obnoxious look on his face.

* * *

He looked at Amber and then at Gaara and said "I'm sorry am I interrupting something". Gaara said "No but there is something I need to inform you about and Amber can stay here a little bit longer because our conversation is not finished." Amber sighed pitifully, Kankuro smirked, and Gaara ignored this and sat down to begin informing Kankuro.

Then they all sat down and Gaara said "To improve our village's strength and numbers in allies we will have 3 kunoichi go to each of the 3 remaining Great countries villages, excluding Temari and Konoha because she is there already, visit each village for an arranged marriage. I have decided Temari will go to konoha since she is already there and we will also have to have an arranged marriage in this village to show our allegiance, but first I need to inform the other villages including Konoha of our intentions so that they don't come unannounced and try to assassinate our shinobi and to find out who they will elect as their candidate for each of their villages so I know who to pick as our representative."

As for Amber I need her to observe Temari's behavior for two days and report directly immediately after she returns and as for you Kankuro your part in this is to observe Konoha's candidate just incase Temari won't be able to get along and screws this up for Konoha and see for yourself before we do this to our sister." "I will be become upfront and personal with our village's shinobi so I can who is trying to get Amber dismembered from the council." Gaara told them.

Amber bowed to the Kazekage and was out the door before they could finish what was already decided. She returned to her house expecting her father to be their waiting even though they don't live together but he wasn't so I guess there was no punishment so as she waited to be alerted to begin her mission she thought about a change in behavior. Gaara had changed so much since he came back from the chuunin exam after his father's death he seamed easier to be around.

* * *

Now it had been five and a half years since then and he has become more humanly, but the thing is he had become humanly before the demon was removed. He actually had goal other than being homicidal he was different and people liked him especially the fangirls who acted like he was born normal without a demon but the men still had problems with him because his father effect had not lost its hold.

She decided not to ponder so much and awaited a punishment of some sort from her father but it never came.

* * *

Back in the Kazekage's office Kankuro read Temari's letter and said "Such nonsense I don't read those magazines I watch the videos." Then he realized what he had just said and correcting himself said "Whoa I didn't know Amber was like that and I didn't think you would be owned I always thought you would do the owning. Just wait till the fangirls hear this." An annoyed Gaara said "She isn't like that. She's too quiet to do something like this and it's none of your business who does the owning if it's anyone it would be me!" Gaara said letting the anger reside in his voice.

* * *

Why is Gaara acting weird and what will happen when Temari becomes engaged in an arranged marriage, and who is it with. 


	8. Its all his fault

Disclaimer: Whatever I normally say is what I mean now. So read this and be happy or whatever.

* * *

Shikamaru felt something heavy on his chest so he opened his eyes and saw the sand kunoichi sitting on him but he wasn't at home he was laying in his favorite cloud gazing spot. After he had left Asuma's grave he went to gaze at the clouds, but he noticed that the sky was dark and all he could see were black clouds that signified rain was coming soon.

Temari lifted herself from him and said "If you don't want to get wet then you'd better get up because it should start raining soon and it will be heavy from the looks of the clouds."

After she said this the rain began to fall heavily just as she predicted.--- Back in Suna the kazekage was sending a letter using the fastest courier, a courier is a ninja mailman they are pretty fast and can get stuff delivered better than an average mailman, he should arrive in Konoha in an hour at most.

* * *

Shikamaru got up and the two of them ran into his house only she was soaking wet and he wasn't because he ran in front of her. Temari wasn't used to the rain because it hardly even rained in Suna and when it did and when it did she was always away on missions so she never really experienced the rain. She mainly didn't like it because it was cold but they other reason was that she had to use rain as an excuse to make him get up.

The worst part about it was that she had only brought two pairs of cloths and one was in the laundry not yet clean and she was wearing the other one.

Shikamaru looked at Temari's shivering body, then directed his attention to her face so she wouldn't notice him staring and get the wrong idea.

"Hurry up and go change cloths before you leave watermarks on my floor" he told her.

She put on the goofiest face she could manage and said "I don't have any other pairs of clothing because I only brought only two pairs and my backup is in your laundry hamper and is yet to be washed."

"I don't think I have any clothes for you to wear, but I don't want you to get my floor wet and leave water stains, or run around my house naked and my mother walk in and see this then beat the shit out of me either." Shikamaru said wincing at the thought of his mom.

Not knowing what to do he groaned and walked upstairs to his room to see if he actually had anything she could wear so as not to get on his nerves with her complaining about the cold.

He rummaged through all of his drawers but he could only find a vest and he didn't want her to wear that so he went down stairs and told her he couldn't find a thing he thought she could wear and told her to follow him into the library room.

He opened the door in the floor and began to walk down it, all the while beckoning her to follow.

He took her to the forest where he told her to stay until he washed her clothes which would take him about an hour and a half, and then he left her down in the forest by her self and freezing cold.

* * *

He placed her clothes into his washing machine, pulled a knob and the water turned on, and then he added the detergent, set the timer and closed the lid.

He sat down on the couch and decided to take a nap until the clothes were done washing. Before it even felt like he had begun to sleep the timer went off so he got up and put the clothes in the dryer and added a fabric softening sheet.

As soon as he sat back down someone knocked on the door. He opened it and saw granny Tsunade standing there with and urgent look on her face then she opened her mouth and said "Where is Temari? I have urgent matters to discuss with her."

Shikamaru nodded and led her to the libraries secret entrance but before he opened the door he turned to Tsunade.

"If I am to let you down here you cannot tell anybody including Ino and Chouji about the things you see because nobody was supposed to know about I in the fist place and it was you who made me show Temari so you must promise not to tell a soul about my labyrinth" Shikamaru exclaimed seriously.

He took Tsunade to the forest inside the labyrinth even though she never agreed to what he said but when they got there he couldn't see Temari any where.

A few minutes later she came out of the woods with a red nose and began sneezing and shivering violently.

Tsunade looked at Shikamaru with a look that was to Shikamaru saying "Oh my god what the hell did you do to her you pig bastard" but she didn't say anything and just waved him off out of the room.

* * *

Then she told Temari about the letter she received from the Kazekage about 15 minutes ago and allowed her to read some of it. Temari read the letter and chocked when she got to the part about an arranged marriage and depending on who was chosen for konoha she would be the one getting married.

When Tsunade was finished Shikamaru came back with Temari's newly dried clothing and a thermometer. Tsunade left the room and the two of them followed.

After Tsunade left He made Temari go to her room and change clothes then come back down and check her damn temperature even though it was pretty much his fault she was getting sick in the middle of summer in the first place.

* * *

As it turns out her temp was 103 degrees and she appeared to be dizzy and kept sneezing all over the place. Shikamaru made her go up to her room and rest while her called a medical ninja to find out what the hell he had gotten her sick with.

A medical ninja arrived less than two minutes after he called and went up to examine the sickly kunoichi. He stood there and watched the ninja examine her, all the while hoping she was only pretending to be sick so he wouldn't have to take care of her.

The medical ninja turned and said "She has Typhoid fever which is abnormally high body temperature accompanied by shivering, headaches, and increased pulse rate. This is common in the rainy seasons. It can be treated but just because the symptoms are gone doesn't mean the fever is. You need to watch her carefully and inject her with this antibiotic twice a day. Once in the morning and once during the afternoon until the fever has been dead for about a week or two. Recovery takes about three weeks so use the anti biotic wisely." Then he headed for the door but turned around and said "I wouldn't tell Gaara about this if I were you because he may seem pretty pissed if you make his sister get sick."

Then he finally turned and left.

Is it really typhoid fever or is it pyrexia? Find out next chapter what happens when he tries to take care of someone when he hardly ever taken care of himself when he was sick. If you like my story, add it to your favorites or add me to your favorite authors list. Please Review even if you don't want to because I want to know that people are enjoying this.


	9. Oh its soooo Troublesome

Thanks to Asuma1, Kane-the-Warrior, and FoXySlY for reviewing chapter 8.

* * *

Shikamaru heard another knock on the door so he left Temari and went to answer the door. When he opened it he saw His mother, to his fear, and Sakura standing there on the steps. Immediately his mom beat him across the head with her hand and began yelling but it was hard to make out what she was saying, then she pushed herself passed him through to the inside of the living room.

She turned to her son once in the room and screamed "How could you get the Kazekage's sister sick in such a condition. You idiot if they find out what do you think they will do to you. I should make you suffer uncontrollably until she is better but I think taking care of her would be worse considering that she and I are very much alike she should put you through a living hell, and I hope she does even if it's unintentional."

* * *

Temari felt a sharp pain in her stomach as she herd someone downstairs screaming and she thought it was Shikamaru's mom but she was in a lot of pain and her head began to ache terribly.

Temari saw Sakura staring at her in the doorway; she watched her as she came up and placed a hand over her forehead. Sakura's eyes became wide and she ran out of the room. At this time Temari was experiencing repeated jolts of pain in her abdomen and her head was pulsing in agony she thought she was going to die.

* * *

Shikamaru and his mother watched Sakura run back down the stairs and ask if they had any pain killers or fever reducers. Shikamaru pointed to a drawer and resumed listening to his mom yell at him and complain about how much of a screw up he really is.

* * *

Meanwhile at Amber's home in Sunagakure

Amber was attempting to make her mother's chicken casserole but she gave up when someone knocked on her front door. She often attempted to cook this because it was really good and she probably could eat the whole thing by herself if she had enough confidence to make it.

She opened the door and looked up into the half covered face of Baki. She had to look up to see his face because she was only 5.1 ft which ironically is the same height as me and unfortunately I will only reach 5.2 or 5.3 which really sucks.

"Kazekage sama wishes to see you in his office for a mission immediately" he said in the most professional voice he could manage.

All Amber did was nod her had and walk out the door in silence which caused Baki to stare blankly and the spot she had just been in, then he closed her door because she tends to leave things open or forget to do things when she is focusing to hard.

* * *

Gaara sat in his office wondering what was taking Baki so long, all he had to do was retrieve her and head back as fast as he could. In truth it had only been five minutes but I guess Gaara is just as impatient as Amber.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Baki followed by Amber entered the office and stood before Gaara's desk which was conveniently located farthest away from any windows or doors so nobody could see or here them talking without actually being in the room.

"Your mission will begin tomorrow morning Baki will escort you there so I want you to be at the gate by 5:30 a.m. and if you are wondering why I am having you escorted its because I believe we are being watched by spies for Kirigakure and Otagakure.

Amber just nodded without making eye contact and looking everywhere but at Gaara's face. She normally made eye contact but she just couldn't bring herself to look at his face maybe it was because he was trying to help her or maybe it was something else.

Then Gaara waved Baki out of the room and the two were alone again for the second time. This made Amber uneasy she thought to her self "Why can't he just let someone know about the strange incident in Konoha. It wasn't like she wasn't going to lose her job anyway.

"I've been asking around and nobody seems to think you even exist. Are you sure someone is posing as you or did you really do all that strange stuff in the letter?" Gaara said unsure of what he was saying sounded the way he wanted it to.

"I'm absolutely positive maybe you should talk to the people who have been to Konoha in the past days or watch the camera tapes for the gates. Then if you see anything that was unauthorized or maybe even was authorized do a home inspection of the suspect but leave it private and not let anyone including them find out what you are up to until you have found evidence of the crime." Amber replied hot headedly

"Where in gods name do you get all these Ideas? There good and all but maybe that is the problem. Maybe the whole reason this happened was because of your ideas. No wonder the council has been doing better now than they have in the past 10 years." Gaara said unintentionally because it sounded more like a compliment than he intended.

* * *

Back at Shikamaru's house Temari was still in pain even after the pain medication and she began to loose her appetite severely.

It was about 11:00 and Shikamaru was having trouble sleeping because he could here her moaning and literally felt the pain coming from the room which kept him up for the whole freaking night. He finally got up and went to see what was causing her this much pain because by know he could here her almost screaming.

Shikamaru opened her door and walked up to the bedside watching her and noticing that one of her hands held her stomach tightly and the other was constricting the bed sheets. She was sweating and it appeared that she was sleeping so he went down stairs and grabbed the thermometer and several different bottles of medication.

He woke her up and checked her Temperature this time it was 104.93 which was extremely dangerous so he gave her a high dose fever reducer, then he went into the bathroom and ran cold water into the tub halfway.

Then he went back into the room, picked her up off the bed and noticed she was lighter than he thought and carried her into the bathroom. By now she was fully awake but blinded by heat and pain. He didn't bother removing her clothes and placed her in the icy water to help dispel the fever for now.

Luckily she wasn't wearing one of her outfits, but he thought she only had two than he noticed it was one of Sakura's shirts and it was white and what's worse is that the shirt was completely soaked and she wasn't even wearing a bra. He quickly looked away but remembered he couldn't leave her there for long so he looked around the room for a spare shirt that Sakura might have given her.

He found a slightly longer one that looked like it would cover someone almost to their knees, and pulled her out of the tub all the while trying not to look at her. He asked her if she could understand what he was saying but all she did was stare questioningly. He realized what was wrong and that she was to drugged up by the medication to understand what was even going on but at least she wasn't in pain anymore.

He called his mom who wasn't happy and asked her to help him but she bluntly refused so it was up to him to change her clothes. He really didn't want to but if he left her like this she would only get sicker and possibly die. He grabbed her up, turned her back to him and removed her shirt than he put on the other shirt and she snapped back to reality, realized what was going on and attempted to beat him in rib with her elbow but couldn't get her body to move without feeling some sort of helplessness.

He stopped trying to change her after he put on her shirt since she had been sleeping in only that tee-shirt and some panties he thought those wouldn't be to wet so he placed her back in her bed and went to his own so he could get some sleep.

* * *

What's going to happen next? Find out in the next chapter which should be up soon. Please I am begging you people to rate and also I appreciate Kane-the-warrior for reviewing every one of my chapter's and I may turn from NaruHina to NaruSaku on request. 


	10. Amber and Temari's changes

Thanks to GhostOfZeon, GourdBreaker, Asuma1, and FoXySlY for reviewing Chapters 9 and 3. Please continue to read and review my story. It pleases me very much.

* * *

Kelsey is FoXySlY she's my best friend in school and stuff.

* * *

Amber got up at 5 a.m. and got her stuff ready for her mission. She put on her formal ninja gear (If you have ever played final fantasy 10-2 she is wearing Paine's warrior outfit. I am sort of fat so this would look terrible on the real Amber) her clothes wear all black and she wore a barbed wire necklace with a bird on it and a black chocker. 

She walked out the door with her backpack in one hand and Paine's sword in the other. (Paine is her great grandmother. )

"Amber wait for me!" a familiar female voice called out

Amber turned around to she her best friend Kelsey running toward her in a Gaara t-shirt and some blue jean shorts (she always wears damn shorts I hate shorts they are retarded) because she is a Gaara fan girl.

"Gaara kun said I could go on a mission with you. I guess it was because I tried to strip for him and he didn't like THAT very much." puts finger to lip and twists around slightly Kelsey said in a fan girlish way.

"Don't you mean Kazekage Sama not Gaara kun you know he is superior and you can't address him like that" Amber said giving off her little half-smile waiting for Kelsey to run and catch up.

"Hurry up or we'll be late" Amber said in a hushed tone

They approached the gate and saw The kazekage, Baki ,and Kankuro standing at the gate impatiently.

"You are both LATE!" Gaara exclaimed in a way that told you he wasn't a morning person.

Kelsey just ran and screamed

"Gaara OMG I want to rape you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" then she jumped for him and he blocked her with his sand shield.

This is the part where Amber pulls out a spray bottle filled with vinegar, squirted Kelsey 3 times and said

"No, Kelsey bad, we don't do that to people in public!"

Kelsey turned to amber with anime tears and fox ears pulled flat to her head with a fox tail flattened between her legs like a whipped dog.

This made everyone turn to Amber who quickly put the bottle back away and pulled her sword up in front of her.

Baki was thinking about Kelsey but apparently he was thinking aloud and Amber took the flat of her sword and whacked him across the face with it saying

"Don't you ever say anything like that about Kelsey in front of me or her again or next time it wont be the flat of my sword across your face but the blade shove up you ass you stupid bastard."

Then Konoha's fastest bird came and landed on Kelsey's foxy little head. It had a letter on its leg and when Kelsey took it the bird began screeching with its eyes bulging from its head and its wings flapping.

Then the bird flew over to Kankuro and began pecking and scratching his face off causing everyone to laugh. Even Gaara which was a surprise to even Kankuro

Kelsey sighed and handed the letter to Gaara who read it aloud:

Dear Kazekage,

I Nara Yoshino am sorry to inform you that my son Nara Shikamaru has made your sister Temari ill with Typhoid fever and that she may be in terrible condition. Though I can assure you that she is in good care. I just thought you should know.

P.S. The birds name is Sir Raven and he hates the color purple and also dislikes paint. Maybe you should keep your brother away from it because Sir Raven tends to go berserk and attack things like that. (Sir Raven is the narrating bird form Grim adventures of Billy and Mandy)

"Kelsey you will now go by the name of FoXySlY and Amber you will go by the name of Sabaku …. Uh I mean Okami (wolves are awesome) if anyone asks just say you had some terribly crazy medicated parents and they were insane at the time you were born and they came from the Village of Issues."

Amber and both Kelsey bit their fingers and wiped the blood onto Amber's sword and said "kuchiyose no jutsu" and an abnormally large black wolf named Kurokiba with a slightly smaller fox named Konosuke appeared before them. Gaara decided to go along with Kelsey and have Kankuro fill in for him since Temari was sick it was his top concern.

Amber Climbed onto Kurokiba's back and Konosuke jumped off and stood beside Kelsey. Baki just smirked and the six of them including the two animals left the gates of Suna and entered the arid desert landscape for Konoha.

Let me tell you something about our summoned friends

Kurokiba is master of every element known to man and creature including metal and other alienated elements that you will find out about soon. He has also been Amber's companion ever since she was a baby which most find strange. He is a wolf demon or Mononoke and he is highly talented with wind and unexpectedly Ice.

Konosuke is Kelsey's companion he can be pretty sly at time and highly stuck up, but he is of great use to Kelsey and a few other people but not to Amber. He and Kurokiba are good friends and you normally won't see them separated from each other unless they are with Kelsey and Amber. He is skilled with genjutsu.

* * *

Temari was all drugged up from all the medication Shikamaru had giving her last night so that in the morning and began to hallucinate though they were more like visions of her future. 

Shikamaru **was** in it but he was with Ino which infuriated Temari to no extent though she didn't know why.

She shouldn't really care who Shikamaru was with but every time she saw Ino or anyone else she would become angry.

She liked him possibly even loved him though she didn't want to admit it to him nor did she want to admit it to herself but she knew it all to well.

Temari was going to recover fully and nothing would change she would continue to do what she did best, which was scaring the shit out of Shikamaru. Or maybe yes she knew what she would do.

She was going to go a bit soft and torture him way less than normal maybe she would just let him do whatever he pleases and not be so harsh when he is late or something. She would show him a more care free Temari the smarter one who is a lot nicer. Maybe that would make Shikamaru easier to get along with and more intriguing.

* * *

Almost a day had past and it was becoming dark and cold back in the desert Amber and Kurokiba were only seven hours away and there was an oasis just below them but the others were far behind so they decided to stop and rest up a bit for the night. 

About an hour later the others arrived and they all set up camp to rest in the cold of the night They each had individual tents except for Kelsey because she had never been to konoha before she didn't know how long it took to get there so she left her tent. Amber made Baki sleep outside and Kelsey used his tent to his unsatisfaction.

They all went to bed and Kurokiba stayed inside Amber's tent with Konosuke outside keeping watch the two took turns watching for enemy spies.

In the middle of the night Kelsey got up to pee. She walked outside and to her surprise a dead sand kunoichi was laying on the ground with to puncture wounds in her neck like a set of fangs but not from an animal. Smiling sinisterly, Kelsey stole the kunoichi's headband, black shi black gloves, and the kunai knives in her pouch and shuriken.

Kelsey put on the kunoichi's clothes then she took a piss like she had left to do in the first place and went back to bed.

When they all got up in the morning Baki saw Kelsey and had a super anime nose bleed (pervert)

"Damn it Kelsey where the hell did you get those clothes? Why are you doing this to me you pirate hooker? Why don't you go back to your home on whore island!" he said after a moments notice.

Kelsey thought this was funny.

Gaara just huffed and went back to what ever it was that he did in the morning during missions.

But Amber disliked what she so she started to pull her sword out but Kelsey, Konosuke, and Kurokiba stopped her before she gutted him with her weapon of death.

* * *

I am terribly sorry if there wasn't enough Temari and Shikamaru so I replaced it with stuff I thought was funny please **Review this chapter**. 


	11. The Arrival of the sands

Thanks to Exclamation mark and co, FoXySlY, Kane-the-Warrior, and Kool4Sure(anonymous) for reviewing my story chapters again.

* * *

Shikamaru stood over Temari and placed his hand over her forehead because she had a dazed look on her face not normal for Temari's genius looks.

He saw her face turn scarlet red when he touched her and assumed it was a part of the fever.

Then he pulled out a giant anime needle and had an evil anime face but put the needle away when he realized it wasn't the fever, but the fact he was touching her thigh unknowingly.

He quickly removed his hand and turned so she couldn't see him turn his own shade of red in front of her.

"I-I-Its hot in here turn the air on p-please" Temari stuttered like Hinata only all the medication she had to take kept her from talking correctly.

Shikamaru ran out of the room and knocked the air conditioner on and turned on some fans.

Then he took a washcloth, ran it under cold water and placed it on her head.

She grinned and went to sleep again dreaming of the future which I am not going to tell you about because she wouldn't want me to.

* * *

Back in the desert they were leaving and only a few more hours from konoha but this time Gaara was riding with Amber so he could do some reading.

It was safer than walking and reading. Baki still had to walk but Kelsey rode her fox flying next to Amber and her companion Kurokiba NOT Gaara.

They took off and Gaara pulled out a little black book.

Amber glanced back and saw the name of the book he was reading. The book was called "Temari's diary so do not touch and in parenthesis it read that means you Kankuro"

"Does Temari know you read her diary?" Amber asked not really paying attention or expecting an answer.

"She knows someone's been reading it but I think she was suspecting Kankuro not me" Gaara said plainly not even glancing up at her.

"It was sort of a rhetorical question but ok whatever."

"Smoochie boochies brodie roochies" Kelsey quoted Jay and Silent bob from Mall rats

"Snoogens" Amber replied quoting Jay from every Kevin Smith movie with Jay and Silent bob in it.

Then Konoha came into sight because the animals were fast at moving.

"We are approaching Konoha fast and we should be there in less than a minute." Amber said all leader-like though she really couldn't do anything without someone to tell her what to do.

Kelsey pulled in front of Amber and landed on the ground safely though it looked like Konosuke was going to be sick because he wasn't used to flying.

Just as Amber was about to land Gaara jumped off onto the ground causing Kurokiba to freak out and crash onto Kon (his name is getting to long to write and I am becoming lazy).

Amber got up and wiped the dirt off her ass because she flew of when Kurokiba crashed.

Kelsey was laughing her ass off and if her fox could make fox noises it would be making laughing fox sounds.

Both Konosuke and Kurokiba unsurprisingly speak English though only Kurokiba can speak both wolf and English, Kon only speaks English.

To Kelsey and Amber's surprise Gaara was also laughing even though it was his fault they crashed and he knew it.

"Okay what do we do know? Do we go ahead and enter or wait for Baki's slow ass to get her? He should have summoned his dragon or is he too damn weak to do that any more." Amber said questioningly not knowing what to do.

"We'll go to the Hokage's tower and ask her for a room in the guest house." Gaara said while watching the two animals untangle themselves from their heap.

I should tell you that Both Kurokiba and Konosuke are females though Kelsey has a great sense of humor so she gave her fox a guy's name.

Amber climbed back onto Kurokiba and they proceeded through the gate.

They were greeted by non other than Naruto.

Then they all heard a "Yahooooo" and a loud thundering of paws.

Everyone turned toward the sound and saw a crazy looking dude riding a great white dog almost as big as Amber's wolf.

Suddenly Akamaru came to a halt in front of Gaara but didn't whimper because he could sense the evil had left him long ago.

Kiba dismounted Akamaru and walked up to Naruto. Then he whispered something in his ear and looked at the group of sand Nins.

Then Gaara began to walk toward the tower and the rest followed leaving Kiba and Naruto at the gate.

They approached the stair case and began to walk up it. At the top Tsunade was already up their yelling at Konohamaru calling him a perverted kid again.

"Nyuu….Chi…..I mean what did she call him?" Kurokiba looked at Amber and asked.

"Where the hell did you learn your English at? Stop watching Chobits and Elfen Lied. Those are not shows for my companions to watch. Do you hear me Kurokiba?" Amber replied bluntly.

"I expected Amber and Kelsey but not you Gaara. Unless you have been informed on your sister's well being." Tsunade said abruptly.

"Well seeing as Gaara is here to we will give him the broom closet to sleep in and Kelsey and Amber will have room 207 of the quest house to sleep in." Tsunade said with a sly voice.

Gaara grimaced as if the demon had permanently imprinted himself in Gaara then his expression lighten as if he never did it.

"Ha I was just joking you get room 208. It was funny wasn't it?" Tsunade grinned again with that twisted look on her face as they left the room with their keys.

If you are wondering were Baki is he ran into a geisha (supposedly but how the hell do you find one of those in the desert) and she drugged him up and left him to die in a hole.

Nobody will come for him unless Kankuro just happens to wander out there like the idiot he is.

"We might as well go visit Temari or something while Baki probably climbs out of some hole in the middle of the desert." Gaara said (He doesn't know what happened to Baki. He was using sarcasm.)

The girls nodded and they were on there way less that a minute later.

This time Gaara took Kurokiba and had Amber ride on the back behind him and Kelsey followed behind the two mumbling something but nobody could understand what she was saying.

Then all of a sudden Kelsey screamed "Artemis Fowl" and ran off into some trees behind none other than Shikamaru's house.

This time Amber jumped of hoping it would spook Kurokiba but it didn't and only made things worse.

"Now what the hell did you jump off for?" Gaara said in an annoyed fashion.

"She wanted to scare me so you would fall of just like she did. Only Kami knows why though." Kurokiba told Gaara.

Amber folded her arms and walked the rest of the way with a deep blush on her face and she wasn't wearing makeup because she doesn't like the stuff.

* * *

Hope you people liked it. Why did Amber blush? What the hell is wrong with Kelsey? How the fuck did a geisha appear in the desert? Find out next chapter. **Review.**


	12. Temari is feeling better now

Thanks to My best friend FoXySly, and to Exclamation mark and co for reviewing chapter 11. You are much appreciated for you reviews.

* * *

Amber walked up to the steps followed by Gaara. 

Kelsey ran back out of the woods and stepped up next to Amber.

Amber Knocked on the door and heard a crash and a slam. Then the door opened and a boy without a ponytail or a bored look on his face appeared.

This person had white hair a mask and was holding an icha icha violence book in his hand. It was _The Hatake Kakashi_ not that he was important or anything except for the fact that he helped train Gaara's best friend Naruto.

"As the wise lady Kaede said 'look clever girl or be a half-wit'" Kelsey said

They looked back at Kakashi and noticed his hair was wet and he was wearing nothing but a towel which meant he knew how to take a shower or bathe or whatever he does.

Kelsey turned to Amber with little fox tail and big eyes and said "Amber I'm hungry. Can we go get something to eat and I don't want ramen lets go get some barbecue."

"Well I guess it's up to Gaara where we go since he is here." Amber said questioningly

"We'll go eat but quickly before they realize we're here." Gaara said which made Kelsey jump up and down then climb on her fox and dash away.

Gaara did the same thing only on Amber's wolf and left her to eat his dust.

"Well that wasn't very nice now was it." Amber said as she summoned a much faster wolf named Kurokawa. This one is a male.

She quickly caught up to Gaara who looked behind him curious and amazed that she had enough energy and chakra to summon another slightly larger and faster wolf.

Kurokawa had powerful vocals and he could kill any abnormal sound ninja with a single howl but Amber didn't take him out much because she had a different use for him.

He was to be used as a potential mate for Kurokiba and she only used him to fight in dangerous situations or for his speed mostly.

Gaara was so focused on what was behind him that he didn't realize that they were about to run into an Icha Icha violence the movie poster and with that Kurokiba smacked the wall knocking both her and Gaara senseless.

Naruto just happened to see the whole thing along with the Perverted Hermit Jaraiya.

"Ha what the hell was that dattebayo? All I could see was a red flash and OMG it was Gaara. Daijoubu Gaara dattebayo?" Naruto said as he saw Gaara lying against the wolf sprawled on the ground.

"Holy shit that wolf is as big as Gama Bunta. Where the hell did you get that thing? I didn't even think such a thing existed." Pervy Hermit said in his usual pervert tone.

By now Kelsey returned to the group and also realized what was going on.

"Only a member of a specific wolf demon tribe knows about these certain wolves but Amber isn't even related to the wolf demon tribe. There is a special thing I am not supposed to talk about that connects her to their tribe." Kelsey told Jaraiya

Jaraiya noticed a pretty lady was talking to him and went all perverted only to get his face caved in by Konosuke.

Naruto was listening though and he began to ask stupid Naruto questions

"What wolf demon tribe dattebayo?"

"The one were you get killed if you talk about it" Kelsey said

"That doesn't sound like a nice tribe to be in dattebayo."

"I was being sarcastic. In other words it means I am not telling you the name of the tribe." Kelsey said

Gaara got up and told Naruto that it wasn't any of his business where the wolves came from and that he needed to stop asking questions.

Then all if them including Naruto and his pervert friend went to the barbeque place.

* * *

The fever was beginning to dispel so Temari got up and went into the bathroom to see how badly she looked. 

Surprisingly enough she didn't look all that back apart from her messed up hair. So she took a short shower and put her hair back into its original form.

Temari walked down stairs and found Shikamaru starring out the window.

Temari's sister sense was tingling so she decided she wanted to go somewhere even if she was a bit sick still.

"Shikamaru I want to go to the Korean Barbecue place that your sensei used to take your team to." Temari said in a less commanding voice and a more asking tone.

"But you're still sick. I think you should stay in bed."

"I want to go now! Please take me to the barbecue." This time she was commanding him to do it.

"Okay okay I'll take you but we have to hurry before 5:00 because I have a mission to handle." Shikamaru said.

The two of them ran out of the house and down the street toward the Korean barbecue restaurant.

Shikamaru walked in followed by Temari and looked around for a seat.

They chose a seat next to a window and ordered a vast assortment of foreign meats.

They people behind them were being rowdy and loud so Temari decided to listen in on their conversation and this is what she heard.

"So what made you come to konoha during the summer? I mean aren't you supposed to be busy?" a loud rather blonde sounding voice asked.

"We are on a mission and Kazekage sama's sister is supposed to be sick so he came to check up on her." A voice Temari could have sworn she heard somewhere before replied.

"She is telling the truth though it was quite odd how I found out that my sister was sick. In fact it was the perpetrator's mother who informed me and I would like to give him a piece of my mind." An all too familiar voice said which made Temari butt into the conversation.

"You should go easy on him though Gaara. Its not like he did it on purpose. Besides its not really any of your concern because I can take care of my self and so can Shikamaru."

Temari said until she realized she was taking _his_ side and then complimented his abilities to take care of her.

By now everybody else had realized this too including Shikamaru and were starring at her questioningly except Kelsey.

"Well doesn't somebody have there mind in a jumble today." Kelsey said making Temari, Gaara, and Shikamaru glare.

"Who the hell are you and what do you think your doing interrupting the awkward silence I just caused. Bitch I know you'd better shut your mouth if you know what's good for you." Temari said fuming in her seat.

"I am Gaara's girl friend if you must know." Kelsey said

"They hell you aint and you will never come within 15 feet of me if you don't quit saying stuff like that." Gaara said a little bit out of character.

This made Amber laugh and so did Temari because of her sweet little brothers out burst.

Kelsey just pouted and slid down in her seat closer to the edge until she jumped up screaming "Damn it Lord Sesshomaru I told you to stay in my closet and not to come out, you son of a bitch."

* * *

Thank for reading Please comment and tell me what you think should happen next. I would much appreciate it. 


	13. What the hell is wrong with these people

A much obliged thank you to FoXySly, Exclamation mark and co, and Kool4sure.

Message to kook4sure: I am sorry to tell you that I cannot put you in my story as Gaara-

Kun's girl friend because it will mess up plans for some of the next chapters.

* * *

"Gaara, who are the two girls accompanying you and why was that girl screaming at the air?" Temari asked in a less than amused tone.

"The quiet one is Amber but the rest of our village calls her Kohaku and she is here to observe your behavior for me." He told her bluntly for he has no reason to lie.

"The crazy one is her friend Kelsey but everyone calls her FoXySlY and she is only here because she is Amber's best friend and she has very persuasive ways of changing peoples mind." He put in and irritated tone.

Suddenly the power in the restaurant flickered and went out.

"That Kelsey is playing with Konoha's power box. I guarantee it." Amber said as she stood up and left Gaara and his sister to their conversation.

* * *

As it turns out when Kelsey ran after her lord Sesshomaru he was standing on the main power line. That's when she opened the power box and tried to electrocute him down to her.

She began messing with the switches, there was a bright and painful flash and everything went out.

The words "DAMN IT KELSEY, FIRST SUNA AND NOW HERE. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH MESSING UP POWER STRIPS AND STUFF?"

Could be heard from throughout konoha as Amber screamed in anger at her friend who was lying on the ground in panic.

Temari, Shikamaru, and Gaara ran out side to see an angry Amber and a mortified Kelsey standing face to face glaring at the fried power box.

"So what have we learned about destroying other peoples property?" Amber asked Kelsey knowing the reply would be some smart ass yet true remark.

"Destroying things is fun!!" Kelsey oh so obviously replied

She received a pat on the head and the five of them resumed their conversation.

"So that pretty much went on during your whole trip to Konoha?" Temari asked and stated at the same time

"Yep ." Gaara said

"You bet " Kelsey said like it was a good thing

"Unfortunately" Amber said at the same time as Kelsey and Gaara

"I am surprised Gaara didn't go on a homicidal rampage. Wait a minute why isn't Baki sensei with you?"

"Funny you should ask, I don't think he has showed up yet." Amber said wonderingly

* * *

It just so happens, that Kankuro DID find Baki though the results weren't pretty.

When Baki, still disproportioned, asked for a rope so he could climb out Kankuro accidentally (A/N everyone knows he did it on purpose) threw a poisonous snake down the whole.

Lucky enough for Baki it died from the shock of Kankuro's ugly ass face.

Then Kankuro dumped some hot water in the already hot son over Baki and covered the hole up with a black sheet as payback for yelling at them when Gaara tried to kill lee during the month they had before the finals.

* * *

Back in Konoha

"Let's go back to my place so we can talk more privately" **_Temari_** said while glaring at Naruto.

"_Your_ place, that's my house." Shikamaru said and then he flinched but nothing came, not a single punch or anything.

Amber and Kelsey looked at a food store across the street then turned at the same time and said

"Hold on for a sec we will only take a minute then they ran for a suspiciously long time toward the store.

They came back 5 minutes later carrying a bag full of some sort of containers.

In Shikamaru's house Temari began rambling to Gaara about something.

"OMG Gaara doesn't tell him but SHIKAMARU'S HEAD LOOKS LIKE A PINAPPLE." Temari screamed so Shikamaru could here her.

"OMG Temari don't tell Kankuro but I ran into a bill board sign while staring at Amber's ass."

"Nani?" The four of them said at the same time

Amber's face turned bright red and then pretended not to hear Kelsey laughing.

"You better not be mocking me Gaara or else just because you used to be homicidal doesn't mean you can't suffer an older siblings torment." Temari said rashly.

"Do I smell Pistachio's? Ewwwww Gross." Gaara said in the gayest tone ever.

"Hey. You're getting the skin and shells all over the place. Don't do that."

Kelsey and Amber just became wilder with the pistachios and began fighting each other with there hands just to get the last one.

Luckily for them, but not Shikamaru, they had bought about 7 containers full.

Everybody was now staring in through the window just to see what all the rabid noise was though they probably thought Gaara or Temari had gone insane and was killing someone from all the noise you could here.

Amber and Kelsey fought so viciously that the coffee table legs collapsed from underneath the table and there was couch stuffing everywhere.

Amber didn't really like pistachios that much she just was crazy.

"OMG Kelsey I know what we can eat tonight." Amber said

"Pistachios"

"What, No my moms CHICKEN CASSAROLE!!!!"

"What the hell. What's with you and that damn casserole?"

"It would taste better if someone could cook it correctly unlike me. Who in this room knows how to cook really well?" Amber asked

Gaara and Shikamaru's hand went up in the air as Kelsey and Temari frowned.

"Temari, you don't know how to cook do you?" Shikamaru asked with a tone of concern in his voice.

Temari just stuck her tongue out and they all decided Gaara should demonstrate how well he cooks and cook the casserole.

Temari stared out the window "IS THAT Kakashi copying a cat out there.

Sure enough he was on all fours scratching behind his head then licking what would be a tuft of fur just below his stomach.

"ROFLMAO" Kelsey said as Amber collapsed on the ground laughing at the strange Kakashi.

Kakashi got up kicked the poor neko and walked off reading his book as if nothing ever happened.

Shino walked up to the window and said "What you have just witnessed is one of the strange creations of hybrid clan out casts do not repeat what you have seen to anyone for this can only happen in the world of Naruto and nothing else." Then he walked

"They casserole is done" Gaara said in strange sing song kind of voice

"Gaara what the hell is wrong with you?" Temari asked her little brother

"Nothing" he replied the way Shigure Sohma does to Hattori.

"You sound like a gay cupcake breaking out of the closet." Shikamaru said only to get _Amber's_ foot shoved halfway up his ass.

"Kon (the noise a fox makes)" Kelsey said in a high pitch

"Nyuuu" Amber said (it is the word that Lucy from Elfen Lied said all the time when she was being Nyuu)

"But seriously Gaara, I know gay guys and you are beginning to act like on so please stop" Amber said being overly straight forward as usual.

"Ok no problem. Let's just not tell anybody about this little incident." Gaara said reverting back to normal.

Temari and Shikamaru passed questioningly looks at each other as Gaara agreed to Amber's request.

They all sat down to eat and Amber and Kelsey said Nyuu as they stared at there food and began shoveling down there throats.

At the same time Temari was whispering back and forth between Shikamaru and Gaara all the while shooting glances at Kelsey and Amber's strange mannerisms.

* * *

Yes I know I have an obsession with chicken casserole. I also realize that I haven't put enough Temari and Shikamaru so I will make up for that with mild humor. PLEASE REVIEW. 


	14. Subway eat fresh

Special thanks to FoXySlY for helping me with this chapter.

* * *

There was a loud boom and Gaara looked over and noticed that Amber and Kelsey were not in their seats.

The two of them had blown up Kakashi's House with a giant subway sandwich. There were make-out books everywhere.

Shikamaru walked outside, picked up a page and began to read it.

"Holy shit this is some hard core stuff." Shikamaru said

"Hey don't corrupt yourself over there I need your brain for my…uh..." Temari said accidentally.

"Subway eat fresh" Both girls said (Amber and Kelsey actually like subway)

"Wow who knew those sandwiches could do that" Amber said

"There are a lot of things you do not know young one" Kelsey said in a Yoda fashion.

"What the hell happened to my house?"

"Oh no maybe a sandwich was too much, besides I wanted the subway club with the meat and mayo only." Amber stated.

"I would prefer something with a little less mayo and a lot more mustard, besides do you even know what is put in mayo." Kelsey said sounding much more mature then usual.

"Let's just drop it." Amber said.

"Since when do you care what I read?" Shikamaru asked.

"Since always. I just don't want you to come crying to me when you get an idea from that book and it turns out bad." Temari stated slightly blushing but covering it with attitude.

"As if someone like you could care about anyone." Shikamaru retorted.

"I care a whole lot about everything. I have some students back at the Suna academy that can back me up on that too." Temari said flustered at Shikamaru's attitude.

"She is telling the truth. Their names are Sachiko, Minoru, and Takumi" Gaara told Shikamaru.(Shojo beat magazine. LOL.)

"Oh really now so she is kind hearted underneath all that anger." Shikamaru said

"What's that supposed to mean pineapple boy." Temari said agitated this time.

"Nothing"

"It must mean something"

"I said nothing"

"There is certainly something"

"NOTHING"

"SOMETHING"

"GO ASK MY DAD"

"OH I WILL, YOU LAZY SON OF A BITCH"

"Hey can you to love birds stop squawking for five minutes and look at that" Gaara said pointing to two figure covered in sandwich peices and paper.

It was Tenten and Neji covered in icha paper and holding there ears.

"They live on the other side of Konoha what are they doing over here" Shikamaru said wiping the blush streaks from his face.

"We just came back from a mission and we heard a noise" Neji said

"I thought Kakashi had blown up the ramen shop because Naruto is always making him pay for it and he was sick of Naruto talking about ramen but I guess hoping is too much." Tenten said.

"Every one has there hopes and dreams, some are just louder and more obvious then others." Amber said staring at Temari.

"Well spoken" Neji and Gaara said at the same time staring at Temari too.

"Well anyway I guess its time for me and Kelsey to go back to our hotel. It's up to Gaara whether or not he goes to his instead of escaping to kill lee like the first time." Amber said

"Ok See you later" Temari said smiling as the two girls walked off making a lot of odd gestures and noises.

"So Gaara about that arranged marriage its funny and all but the jokes up you can't possibly serious." Temari said

"Oh but I am, It's a very important matter but you don't have to go through with it. We could just have Amber or Kelsey go in you place but maybe we should wait until the hokage chooses." Gaara said.

"Wait until I choose what?" The dreaded, drunk, and gambling hokage said.

"The important letter I sent you about ways to improve allies." Gaara said

"Did you really come up with that or were you forced against your will by someone." Tsunade said.

"Actually I did but Amber gave me the idea of who gets to choose the candidates." Gaara said.

* * *

Shikamaru had slipped off while everyone was talking to Tenten and Neji. He went to his cloud gazing spot unfortunately he got peed on by Akamaru on the way there and was know wet and cold. So he decided to just go home.

* * *

"Do you think we should have wasted that sandwich" Amber said

"Quit complaining ya fat cow" Kelsey said

"Faaaaaaaat" Amber cried.

"Just shut up maybe there is some food in the cabinet" Kelsey said to Amber trying to calm her down the only way she could.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Amber, answer the damn door NOW!" Kelsey commanded like she owned her or something.

"yes Kelsey the oh so great and wonderful master" Amber said sarcastically.

As soon as she opened the door a swarm of pigs ran in and began eating Kelsey's shoes.

"Tonton get your friends out of her" Tsunade's assistant called to her pig as she walked into the house apartment thing.

"Hi Shizune. What can we do for you?" Amber said friendly like.

"Its about Tsunade's decision for a candidate. She can't make up her mind so she wanted me to ask the two of you to read of this list of guys and tell me what you think" She told them.

Aburame Shino: "Too creepy there isn't anyone with the right attitude in our village for him" the girls said.

Akimichi Chouji: "I heard he has a thing for Ino" Amber said "I'll stick with Amber's excuse." Kelsey agreed.

Inuzuka Kiba: "Considering he is a dog he probably wouldn't stick with someone for too long" they said again at the same time.

Hatake Kakashi: "He is an odd ball plus Kelsey's mom is into him and we don't want that." Amber said

"hey what's wrong with my mom liking Kakashi?" Kelsey asked but with no reply from Amber

Uzumaki Naruto: "He is being stalked by Hinata at the moment" Amber said watching Naruto walk down the road being followed by the shy little Hyuuga, from the window.

Nara Shikamaru: Neither one of them said anything about him because they knew Temari liked him and here was her chance to get what she wanted for once.

Hyuuga Neji: "Isn't he supposed to marry someone from his one clan or another noble clan" Amber stated. "Oooh Incest" Kelsey said obviously interested in what was going on.

"That's all the people she put on the list. Kind of short huh?" Shizune said

"Yeah that's short but why don't we choose Temari and Shikamaru. Their just so cute together when they get all angry and want each others heads on a platter" Amber said making the other two girls freak out.

"It's true the two of them are like that and she is never the one to finish it but always the one to start it considering how lazy the Shikamaru is and How much pride Temari is full of. Those to would be fighting constantly but probably for no apparent reason. Lets just she how well this works out and fix it from there. After all we are Gaara's repair team." Kelsey said for the longest known time for her sentence to make sense (A/N Kelsey is an extremely smart person she just likes to act crazy and chooses not to use that smartness sometimes)

* * *

"Oh I haven't decided yet but it will be soon, I have Shizune working on it at this very moment. Until I find out, you will just have to wait. See you later." Tsunade said and walked off to find Shizune

* * *

This chapter was written mostly by me but the first part was come up with by FoXySlY (Kelsey) 


	15. The news is brokenFinally

After you read this story read my other one and review if you don't mind. It is called 'Abnormal sweat drop situations with Sabaku-no-amber' I need to know what you people think.

* * *

"Ok Tsunade sama the girls made all sorts of comments except for on Nara Shikamaru, so I guess it's going to be him. Also did you know that I saw Hinata stalking Naruto again?" Shizune told Tsunade

"Then that's what we will go with and Temari should be who Gaara is thinking about using. Yes, I did know that Hinata was after Naruto because I sent her to find him with a message. I wanted him to pull weeds from that useless old man down the street's lawn." Tsunade answered and went back to secretly drinking sake and not doing her work.

* * *

Amber sat in front of the frontloading washing machine and watched as the close flopped around in a circle like drowning geese trapped in a hurricane of water and death.

"Hey if your going to watch stuff spin, at least do it at someone else's house, jeez you are starting to act like me, I don't want you throwing up in here it will probably make me do it too." Kelsey said watching Amber and her one and only weakness……laundry day.

"Ok I will do it at Temari's house" Amber said

"Its Shikamaru's house, Amber" Kelsey told her

"Not for long though" Amber stated and ran out the door.

"Round and round it goes when it will stop nobody knows, but the timer says 43 minutes so probably then." Amber thought to herself

"Hi Amber, Whatcha doin" Temari said

"Giving in to my weakness as always." Amber told her.

"Oh it must be laundry day at your temp place. Well then don't kill yourself over it; I have good uses for you." Temari said and walked out of the room

About ten minutes later Amber felt like throwing up her breakfast but held it in.

"HEY GET OFF OF MY CLEAN CLOTHES" The lazy jounin yelled.

Amber had been standing with dirty bare feet in his laundry basket full of clean clothes, but she had run out the door startled and dizzy from the loud yelling and spinning water. A few seconds later she was lying on the ground.

Temari: "Shikamaru you didn't have to yell, you know that she suffers from low self esteem and she will be emotionally tormented by this later."

Shikamaru: "Yeah whatever, why don't you have her in rehab or something helpful."

Temari: "Because our fourth kazekage is the one who tormented her in the first place, and that can't be undone by some nutcase who thinks she can change the world by just asking "and how does that make you feel" all damn day long."

Shikamaru: "You still need to help her."

Temari: "I feel a 'you scrub my back I'll scrub yours' effect coming from two people one of them being her."

Shikamaru: "What does that mean?"

Temari: "Nothing"

* * *

"OMG are you alright? Why are you lying on the ground out here like that?" Sakura asked worried at the small figure lying on the ground with swirly anime eyes.

The figure didn't answer so Sakura pitched a big fit screaming "omg she might be dead or something"

"I think I will just leave her there because I have a mission to do"

Sakura knocked on the door and walked in before anyone could answer, talk about rude.

"Tsunade Sama wants the two of you to come up to her office and there is a girl lying on the ground outside your house."

"Just leave her there she'll be fine someone else will find her." Temari said and they all walked out to Tsunade's office.

* * *

Inside The Hokage's Office

Gaara: "I see, well she doesn't ignore him like most people."

Tsunade: "So are you agreeing to go through with this the way you planned?"

Gaara: "I don't know. What did the other two think?"

Tsunade: "It seems that they had problems with everyone except him."

Gaara: "then I guess that's what we are going to do... They are here"

Tsunade: "So it seems."

"Let's let Shizune tell them, if I do it someone is going to get hurt." Tsunade said and they left out the window leaving Shizune to tell them.

"Tsunade sama I brought them like you ………Shizune where is Tsunade sama?" Sakura asked

"She left everything to me again. I think she enjoys pushing all her work on her assistant just so she can have something, other than Jiraiya, to laugh at." Shizune told her

"To make this easier why don't you bring them in one at a time so they don't freak out and kill each other, or rather she freak out and kill him." Shizune said trying to act like Tsunade.

"Ok who do we tell first?" Sakura asked

"Something in my head says it should be Temari" Shizune said

"Looks like I am not the only one with an inner self. Ok she will be in here in a second."

Temari walked in the door and looked around the hokage office wondering were in the world Tsunade was if she wanted to talk to her, but all she saw was her assistant…..what was her name again Shizue…no that's not….Shizume…no why would it be that…Shizune…..yeah that's it.

"Where is Tsunade?" Temari asked

"She isn't here, she left me to do her work again" Shizune told her.

"Ok so are you going to tell me why I am here then or not?" Temari asked

"Yes. You remember when Tsunade came to you just before you got sick and told you about what your brother the Kazekage planned to do don't you?" Shizune wasn't really asking she was more like trying to find a place to start.

"Well your brother and Tsunade have decided to go through with it and He said that you are to represent Suna if you have any problems speak them now or forever hold your tongue." Shizune said.

"So who am I supposed to get married to anyway?" Temari asked the assistant/apprentice.

"I thought that was obvious but if you have to ask it is ………Nara Shikamaru."

"WHAT, WHY HIM?" Temari asked shocked that she hadn't figured it out sooner.

'Would you rather someone else? I could have you with Lee or Kiba?" Shizune asked

"NO, its fine I will get used to his lazy ass, I think I already know what its like to live with him. He is actually quite clean and it's not that bad I guess." Temari told her afraid that she would change it.

"Ok then would you bring him in here know" Shizune said

A moment later Sakura came back in the room with Shikamaru who stood next to Temari.

"What is this all about?"

"As of now you and Temari are fit to be betrothed." Shizune said so she could hurry up and get it all over with.

"The set date is in 3 days. I think that's enough time" Then she shoved everyone out the door and sat down to finish Tsunade's paper work.

* * *

Gaara was walking down the road and he saw Kelsey dragging Amber and fat self across the Konoha square.

"What's going on? Why does she look like one of those chibi anime characters that have just been on a roller coaster or Inuyasha in a pool full ink?" Gaara asked Kelsey dragging the hypnotized Amber

"She was watching a washing machine spin laundry and apparently went a bit over board. This is the only time you will ever see this so take a picture." Kelsey said and walked off.

"See you guys later probably." Gaara said and walked of secretly shaking a Polaroid picture. (Kelsey was being sarcastic so why did he take a picture.)

* * *

Don't forget to comment. PLEASE REVIEW! 


	16. Everyone knows

Read all my damn stories and review them or suffer. Please review.

* * *

"What the hell am I supposed to do?" Temari asked herself for the thousandth time.

"I don't want to get married I just want to live a normal life as the kazekage's sister."

"You are the oldest of the siblings. You are supposed to set an example for them aren't you?" Shikamaru stated like he was one to talk. He didn't even have siblings how was he supposed to know.

"Well Gaara said it was too late to back out, now that everyone knows. I wonder how everyone found out."

"Sakura told Naruto and Sasuke. Sasuke probably kept quiet but Naruto told the person in the ramen shop and I saw Lee Go in there after that. So rock lee told Neji and Tenten and she told Ino who most likely told Chouji, because I didn't, who probably told his dad who told my dad and…"

"Ok. I get it so just shut up and tell me what to do now!" Temari yelled annoyed by how much Shikamaru could say.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Temari was annoyed so she opened it expecting to see someone interesting like Gaara, Amber, or even Kelsey but what she saw was eventually going to happen anyway.

As soon as she answered the door she wanted to close it just as quickly. For it was THE SOON TO BE IN-LAWS.

Yoshino enveloped her soon to be daughter in-law with a passionate hug

"Get off me you crazy bitch! What the hell do you think your doing?" Temari said outraged at Yoshino's behavior.

"Mom don't do that or you might get a taste of you own medicine." Shikamaru said from the kitchen room.

"Oh dear lord no! This day is cursed by the evil demon lord! Not another crazy one. If she is anything like your mother, after you have a child she will be all over your ass for every little problem." Shikaku said (the demon lord if from Nana Komatsu or Hachi/Hachiko.)

"If you don't SHUT YOUR MOUTH I will show you what the demon lord looks like" Temari and Shikamaru said at the same time.

"Hey, don't you copy me." Temari said flustered again

"I wasn't copying you, you were copying me?" Shikamaru said back

"I guess we will be going then before your mom gets ideas, sayonara!" Shikaku said and they headed out the door.

"Is she gone? Make sure she isn't still within fifty feet of the perimeter." Shikamaru said

"I am not your puppet (no pun intended because Kankuro owns puppets)" Temari told him.

"Maybe we should go out for a while I don't feel like staying inside" Temari said and walked out the door un-aware of what awaited her.

"Maybe we ought to go see your Hokage and find out how this works." Temari said

"That wouldn't be a good idea because she is demented and I don't trust her with my life." Shikamaru replied

"Nyan…Nyan…Nyan…Nyan…Nyan…Nyuu…Nyan….." a cat from somewhere said.

"Dammit someone shut that cat up." Temari screamed.

Shikamaru turned around to see where the Japanese cat noise was coming from and it was Naruto standing on a power line poll.

"What ever you do, do not look behind the demon lord is standing on the power line ready to strike us down." Shikamaru said sounding like his dad

"Nani? Who is the demon lord?" Temari asked and then she felt it, the ramen glazed gaze of the demon lord come to haunt her every move.

He swooped in and was stopped by a shield of sand.

"Stop playing dress up Naruto. We have business to take care of." Gaara said and walked of with Naruto trailing behind saying dattebayo.

"What was that all about?" Shikamaru asked Temari with a raised eyebrow

"I don't know they have been that way since the chuunin exams. Sometimes it makes you wonder what goes on inside Gaara's head. Its quite obvious what goes on in Naruto's head though." Temari told him.

* * *

Mean while Amber and Kelsey were walking around konoha.

"I wonder does this place have a skating rink, or a bowling alley anywhere." Kelsey said.

"If they have a bowling alley why don't we take Lee and use him as a bowling pin." Amber said

"And if they have a skating rink lets go there and watch people fall down or push one through a trap door in the floor or a wall."

"No, we should ask Tsunade sama to show us some interesting things." Amber said with an evil look glinting in her gold eyes.

* * *

"Awe you too are getting married, Ok fork over the money Uchiha's" Kurenai said glaring.

The two Uchiha brothers sighed as they opened there wallets. Sasuke's wallet was shaped like a pong paddle and his brother's was a red cloud.

"Wow I am glad to see you away from that rock, Kurenai" Shikamaru said

"Yeah, I guess it's just time to move on, besides Sarutobi's cousin was the real person who was killed if you hadn't noticed that's why he wasn't smoking. We really fooled you this time didn't we?" Kurenai said laughing at the way he was acting.

"YOU BITCH, THAT BASTARD I'M GONNA KILL HIM."

"Oh yeah and Chouji and Ino said you smoked a cigarette, just wait until we tell you mother." Kurenai said teasingly.

"No, don't tell her I will be in trouble.

"Shikamaru, you did WHAT?"

For a moment he thought that actually was his mother yelling at him but it came from his right side and only one person was standing there and that was Temari.

"It was one smoke. I didn't like it, smoking is not my thing ok so don't get all fired up." Shikamaru said trying to escape his fiancé's terrible wrath.

"Why are we even over here Itachi?" Sasuke asked all emofied

"Because we needed to find out if we won the bet or not" Itachi said and walked away leaving Sasuke 'emo fag' Uchiha by him self. (I love emo's but I hate Sasuke he is the worst emo ever. Gay people are ok too.)

"Wait a minute Itachi and Sasugay. You two were betting on me and Shikamaru. You bastards I ought to kick you scrawny ass right now." Temari said in an outrage

"SASUGAY! Hahaha" Itachi said pointing at Sasuke like a little weirdo

"SASUGAY, how dare you call me that."

"Time to go home" Shikamaru said dragging Temari off and locking himself in his house from Sasuke.

* * *

review please or be shove in my closet while I scream who sent you all day long and possibly blow one of you hands of with a revolver. 


	17. We hate hang overs

Thanks to Sandtwins, FoXySlY, Shikamaru's hot honey and Exclamation mark and co. for reviewing.

* * *

"Oh god, I am trashed did we get drunk?" Amber said

"I think so I don't remember after that 16th class of clear stuff."

"Holy shit, Tsunade got us drunk." Amber said

"I don't think that's the worst of our problems, Look at Gaara he looks worse than you and that's bad." Kelsey said pointing a finger at Gaara sprawled in the corner with his face buried in his arm laying face down.

"OMG, I will look for some coffee and aspirin. Gaara you aren't allergic to aspirin are you?" Amber asked

"Not that I know of, but make sure it is the strong kind I feel like I am going to kill someone just to make the pain stop."

"Okay. Kelsey get in the closet, It doesn't matter if I die nobody needs me but everyone needs you so take cover incase this doesn't work." Amber said

"What, don't say that, you know your important think about Sunagakure we're prospering because of the council, and you know it." Kelsey said for the thousandth time god we have to work on that self esteem Kelsey thought.

"We are out of coffee. We should go gets some. Let's leave Gaara with someone responsible." Amber said

"Yeah I thing we should call Lee." Kelsey whispered.

"That should keep him busy until we back"

I guess lee was running and they must have been talking really loud because he burst through the door screaming "I'll do it. It'll be like a mission."

"Ok but don't do anything weird in my rented home or this might go on my record." Amber said and the two friends were off.

They passed a bunch of suspicious looking shops like 'Ayame's custom costumes make any fantasy come true' and 'Diamonds that will shut them up'

"What the hell is with all these ridiculous shops" Kelsey asked.

"Don't know, but Temari is getting married tomorrow maybe we should buy Shikamaru a suit of armor and Temari some pepper spray." Amber said

"Yep, we can do that at the store." Kelsey said.

* * *

Inside Shikamaru's house

"Armor" Shikamaru said and then he sneezed

"Pepper spray" Temari said and sneezed at the same time as Shikamaru

"What" they both said at the same time

* * *

Back in amber's house

"Come on Gaara why won't you do it." Lee pleaded

"Shut up you green vegetable" Gaara said

"Nande?" Lee asked

"Because I don't swing that way you Betty boop son of a bitch, damn." Gaara shouted and lee ran out the door leaving Gaara in the house alone with a giant tampon.

* * *

"Giant Tampon where the hell did that come from?" Amber said staring at Sabaku-no-amber like she was insane

"Shut up, you're not supposed to talk to me." Sabaku-no-amber said and continued typing.

"Amber quit talking to yourself and hurry up, the store is just over the ugly orange dude with crazy blonde hair and piercing blue eyes blocking our path with little vampire fangs and a cape made of pudding skins." Kelsey said

"NANI!? (WHAT!?), Hey aren't you to old to play dress up, Naruto, You fat fruitcake."

"Faaaaaattttt." Naruto said and ran off.

"Hn. All he said was fat why not fruittttcaakkee" Amber said to herself.

* * *

In the store

"Hey what are you to d-doing h-here." Hinata asked

"You don't have to stutter Naruto ran off a little while ago in a pudding skin cape." Amber said avoiding Hinata's crazy eyes afraid stuttering could be contagious even though she stutters in her head all the time.

"Alright then, someone show me where the coffee is." Kelsey said looking around for someone to answer

"It's down the third aisle on the right. Why what do you need it for." The twisted lady hokage said.

"Your one to ask, its because--." Amber was saying but someone covered her mouth

"Uh I like coffee in the morning and we don't have any." Kelsey lied and they ran away toward the aisle suspiciously.

* * *

Back in Shikamaru's house

"Only one day left so let's think about the plans." Shikamaru said

"Hmm. Lets go with gray for the brides maids." Temari said

"What, a western style wedding, why not a Japanese style?" Shikamaru asked

"I'll think about it but let me have my fun for now then you can pester me as much as you want after the wedding……, Dammit you are so screwed right now look what you made me say.

"Hey its not my fault you love me so much." Shikamaru said messing around with Temari's fan conveniently taken away from her.

"Just shut up and wait till tomorrow." Temari retorted and went back to her planning.

Shikamaru watched her intently as she sat there the morning light glowing off her face. Maybe she wasn't going to be a bad wife. She certainly looked pretty in the light. This was all right he thought and walked off toward the kitchen.

Maybe Shikamaru wasn't going to be a bad husband he certainly didn't pester her very much and he was agreeable most of the time. Wait did she just think that. Well its not like she can take it back now. I mean she did have feelings for him when she was younger after the chuunin exams.

Temari did know him better than any other guy she knew, there wasn't a single man on earth that she got along with the way she did with him.

Ten minutes later Shikamaru came back from the kitchen.

"Temari, it's ok if we have a western style wedding. I like it better that way plus I couldn't find any information on wikipedia about it." Shikamaru said

For a minute he thought he saw her eyes brighten and she smiled a very beautiful smile but it didn't last long because after that she said "Oh, so you're giving me permission to plan MY wedding."

"No, that's not what I meant, I meant that I will go along with the western wedding if you will let me, Dammit quit being so troublesome for five minutes." Shikamaru said standing there staring as Temari jumped from her chair and kissed him softly, then she ran of to her room

Shikamaru stood there for a few seconds trying to register what just happened. To his disappoint meant it didn't go the way he always thought it would but maybe it was for the best. He also had his chance to show her what he can do tomorrow and for the rest of his life.

* * *

"We're back, you two didn't destroy my apartment did you." Amber said looking around for Lee and Gaara but all she saw was Gaara laying asleep on her couch.

"Awe, Kawaii, lets wake him up and get him for falling asleep." Kelsey said.

"No don't disturb him for a minute more just let him rest." Amber said

After five minutes Amber shook him gently and told him to drink his coffee and take the pill. Then he fell back asleep. Gaara didn't sleep easily though so this is a rare occasion since Shukaku was extracted.

"I think I am going to take a nap too. It's still early in the morning, so its fine." Amber said

"Actually it's 6:43, we were out for awhile." Kelsey told her.

"Hm, I wonder what happened to Lee, he didn't even leave a note or anything." Amber said turning back.

"Well I guess I better fix dinner then. Does beef roast sound good to you." Amber asked

"Yeah, beefs okay, wonder if Gaara likes beef."

"Yeah, beefs fine." Gaara said

"Shut up and go back to sleep or I will give you a sleeping pill." Kelsey said

"I don't want to anymore, besides my head feels better. We really shouldn't trust Tsunade." Gaara said

"Wow, that's something you wouldn't hear on a daily basis from Gaara." Amber said

"Why would I have any reason to lie?" Gaara asked

"You would lie if it were for someone in danger." Amber said

"True, but nobody would be in danger under my watch" Gaara said and sat up on the couch.

"I am hungry, FIX ME FOOD AMBER!" Kelsey said.

"Hold your damn horses, it's cooking."

"Wow one more day until my sister gets married." Gaara said and laid back on the couch an began drifting off.

"I thought he said he wasn't sleepy, I guess he had a rough night last night and today was probably just as bad. We shouldn't have left him by himself with lee." Amber said and sat down with a beer.

* * *

Bet you can't wait till next chapter can you? Well REVIEW ONEGAISHIMASU! 


	18. NO more anticipation please!

Disclaimers are over rated. You know who owns the character's why put a disclaimer.

* * *

Temari stood there while the maid buttoned, laced, tied, and zipped up every inch of her complicated and not very comfy wedding dress.

She could here Kelsey and Amber in the next room complaining about the color of there dress and the way it fit.

"Hold still. Quit moving around god. How the hell am I supposed to do this with you squirming around?" The maid said pinching Temari in the back a few times.

"Just shut up and button the dress up. So we can get this thing started. Your making me nervous and that isn't easy."

The truth is that Temari really is a naturally nervous person. Nobody knows that except her brothers and soon Shikamaru.

"Ok finished. It's almost time to get this started." The maid said.

Temari could here people out on the grounds which is where the wedding was being held.

"Kitsune, you sexy drunkard!" Kaolla said

"Narusegawa, Kaolla is scaring me." Shinobu was crying.

"I don't even know those people. So how do I know their names?" Temari thought out loud.

* * *

Meanwhile Shikamaru's mom was helping him into his tux.

"Shikamaru pull your hair down. You can't wear it up today because you have to look nice." Yoshino said ripping the ponytail from his black hair.

She pulled out a small black razor…I…uh mean…comb and fixed his hair so it would be neat.

* * *

About five hours earlier.

Amber woke up and the first thing she saw was…..Kelsey on the floor in front of her sleeping.

"Why is Kelsey on the floor" Amber thought as she felt something press itself into her back.

She turned around to see what it was, thinking it was some cat that got into her house but it wasn't. The familiar red hair kind of gave it away.

'uh he has his own room next to us so why is he in here'

He moved closer and she tried to move away but fell on the floor onto Kelsey who didn't wake up. That's when she dragged Kelsey out of her sleeping place and into the living room so she could tell her what was going on.

"Kelsey wake up damn it. Why is Gaara in my bed?" Amber asked looking at the red head who was now curling up into a bawl because his source of heat was gone.

"Aww look at him. He's so cute." Kelsey said trying to change the subject.

"You better tell me why he was in my bed when I woke up now or I will make you sleep outside tonight." Amber said angrily.

"OK, God, Hmm lets see, Kankuro came to Konoha and kicked Gaara out of his room because all the other rooms were taken and he didn't want to share with his younger brother." Kelsey said

"Oh well that doesn't explain why he was in MY bed." Amber said

"He wouldn't sleep in mine. And the couch was occupied." Kelsey said

"Occupied by whom?" Amber said looking at the now empty couch.

"By Baki sensei." Kelsey said.

"Ah well, that explains it, but it doesn't explain why you were on the floor."

"I was on the floor because I didn't want to sleep with Gaara, he only likes me in a that's-my-crazy-friend kind of way." Kelsey told her.

"Ok that's good enough for me." Amber said

* * *

Everyone was waiting as the groom walked up into place and stood there waiting for the ceremony to start.

Everyone was standing in place as they played the music that Amber hated so much. She would rather stand face to face with a rabid lion then listen to this song twice.

Temari came into view wearing a white dress while everyone else stood in lavender or grey dresses.

About five minutes later and some blah blah blah from a preacher who just rambled in a language that Temari couldn't understand, came the damn 'you may now kiss the bride'

Shikamaru made an effort but Temari pulled him in tightly and kissed him hard.

"Whoa I did not know Temari was like that" Amber and Kelsey said at the same time watching in fascination at the two newly wedded people still freaking kissing.

"Hey that's enough Temari you are in public you know. You can do that all you want when you go home with him." Kankuro said laughing.

Baki was still a bit bitter from being left in that pit to die. If he ever saw another geisha I am sure he would explode.

Gaara was still sleepy because he stayed up most of the night trying to go to sleep because he was uncomfortable being in the same room as Kelsey because she might try something weird

Amber was still sleepy because she woke up too early even though she wakes up pretty early already.

Kelsey was agitated because nobody was paying any attention to her except for Uchiha Itachi who kept poking her from behind every 5 seconds and she was enjoying it.

"Dammit Itachi I am trying to fix my phone, will you stop acting like a little kid." Sasuke said as Itachi jabbed Kelsey in the butt real hard.

"Ow! You asshole don't poke my ass so hard." Kelsey screamed which caused Temari and Shikamaru to break apart and the party started.

"Whoot Party!" Someone said from in the crowd most likely Kitsune.

"I think I will sit down now, I don't like parties anymore not since my head was dyed orange and my socks were stolen last week at the last party I went to." Amber said sitting down on the bench farthest away from the insane people.

"Congrats" Ino said to Temari and Shikamaru and then she and Chouji engaged in a boring conversation that isn't worth listening to.

"Hello, May I poke your forehead." Itachi said to Sakura who was running away from a crazed Lee and Neji who was following Tenten, who just so happened to be following Lee.

"Lets blow this joint and go to our house." Temari said to a nodding Shikamaru and off they went.

* * *

That is the big wedding. I guess I don't really know how these things work so that wasn't the best I could do I am just to lazy at the moment. REVIEW OR WAKE UP WITH A BLOODY SPOON IN ONE HAND AND YOUR EYE IN YOUR MOUTH….then you probably wouldn't be able to read. REVIEW ANYWAY. 


	19. Ino is a bitch

"Hey. What about the bouquet? Don't you have to throw it and let someone catch it?" Sakura screamed.

"Oh Yeah I almost forgot" Temari said tossing the bouquet in no specific direction.

You could hear a lot of screams and people were shoving each other everywhere.

"You know and I told her that panda's are vicious creatures and she had to argue with me. That was the last I saw of Jesse Hawkins. After that people feared panda's and Now I am trying to start an army of…." Amber was cut off by something that landed in her hands

"Hey who threw this at me when I find out whom…" Amber began to say but Kelsey whispered in her ear.

"Oh never mind Temari, I didn't know it was you." She said apologetically.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with this anyway?" Amber asked

"I don't know. It's not important." Kelsey said.

The two newlyweds were on their way to their house.

"So who caught the bouquet?" Shikamaru asked turning down their road.

"Uh...I think it was Amber." Temari told him uncertainly

"You think or you know' Shikamaru said

"Just shut up and get in the house before people notice." Temari said taking her fist and hitting him in the back of the head.

"I think I need to get this damn dress off. It is stupid and uncomfortable. Also I want you to leave your hair down for the rest of the day." Temari said walking through the door.

"Tch Why should I do that?" Shikamaru asked.

"Because I am your wife and I said so. You got a problem with it." Temari said looking at him.

* * *

Meanwhile Gaara was back in his apartment.

"I got a lead on who impersonated your council member." A voice on the phone said

"Alright who is it?" Gaara asked.

"It was Megumi, The male not the female. He seems to be angry that a woman is in the council. He doesn't follow Suna's code that women and men are equals." The voice said.

"Ok I guess we better question him to make sure you're correct and if it is then we sentence him for slander and vandalism of another village." Gaara said and hung up the phone.

* * *

Meanwhile back in Shikamaru's house.

"Hey I know this might be sudden but I want you to move your stuff in my room now." Shikamaru said

"What? Well if you say so. I mean we are married now aren't we." Temari said coming out of her room wearing her normal kimono.

"I can't believe your brother let you do this." Shikamaru said

"He would have to anyway. If I wanted something he would let me have it just to keep me happy, but only if it was something that could affect my life drastically." Temari said staring at a picture she had just set down on the end table.

"Uwaaa! Kyou hit me." A voice screamed

"Nee, Haruhi lets go eat some cake . " a loli-shota shouted from somewhere holding his cute little rabbit.

"Wow Konoha really is busier than Suna. Just about every day I hear someone who isn't a citizen shout something onto the streets." Temari said enthusiastically.

"Damn tourists" Shikamaru said

"Hmm. You sound like an old man." Temari told him

"Do I. well I do play shogi" Shikamaru said

"That makes you…MY old man. You're only for me to have." Temari said pecking him playfully on the cheek and running off outside.

In Amber's hotel room

"Oh my Kami, Kelsey, Pierrot's Yuuyami Suicide is on MTV." Amber said listening to the much more explicit aired version of the video.

(A/N: the aired version is more explicit than the non aired one. There are dudes making out with each other and people shooting their selves in the head and there were some lesbians in a bathroom or something. They aren't there in the non aired ver.)

"What comes on next?" Kelsey asked.

"The making of Nana Mizuki's Wild Eyes video." Amber said

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Kelsey answer the door. I did it last time." Amber said

Kelsey went over and open the door after threatening Amber with one of those crazy stares.

"It's Gaara-Sama he needs to speak with you 'alone'." Kelsey said using her fingers to emphasize "alone".

"Tch, don't do that, teme" Amber said and walked out the door.

Gaara watched the door close behind Amber, and then he looked around to make sure nobody was watching but the whole village was.

"We found out who did it." Gaara said glancing at Kurenai who was standing around watching them.

"Did what? Wait never mind I know." Amber said

Gaara raised a non exsistent eyebrow.

"I'm sorry it slipped my mind for a millisecond. So who was it?" Amber asked

"It was" Gaara began and then glanced around behind him to see Chouji and Ino making out again. "Ok as I was saying it was…Megumi."

"That BASTARD…I …mean dammit." Amber said but corrected herself because you don't want to curse like that in front of Gaara he may get agitated a bit and do it too.

Chouji and Ino felt the presence of a pair of eyes. They were correct it was Gaara and Amber.

"Stop staring or are you intrigued by this display of affection in public. You should follow suit." Ino said

"Intrigued...Ha...More like disgusted but if you want to display your affection I got no problem with it but don't do it in front of my house." Amber shot a nasty remark toward Ino not really caring.

"You're just jealous because you don't have a man." Ino said trying to hit Amber in the ego.

"Tch. I don't need a man. But it looks like you got yourself in with the same species. Good for you. We don't need any pig dogs running around just pigs. Ino the boar and Chouji the pig. (A/N: I am a pig. I like Chouji he is cool it's just Ino I don't like."

"Ok time to leave." Gaara said dragging Amber away.

"That's right bitch you best leave." Ino shouted.

"That's it. You wanna go let's get it on. I'm going to kick your ass whore." Amber said getting really pissed off.

Amber waited for Ino to try to land a punch on her and dodge it then she kneed Ino in the stomach and left Ino with Chouji on the ground.

"That was NOT necessary. You know better than to behave this way. You could get our village in trouble." Gaara said obviously angered.

" I think you need to cool down. Now lets go back to your place before you get into more trouble. Try to be more careful it could damage the treaty." Gaara said and they went into the house.

* * *

This was a hard chapter. I think I put to much Amber in it. I am sorry, but there were some sweet moments with Temari and Shikamaru in here weren't there. PLEASE review. 


	20. Don't do it asshole

In case you were wondering I had not posted lately because I was running out of ideas. I do that sometimes. But now I am back with new unused by myself Ideas. I am aware that my best friend FoXySlY has already told Sandtwins. Please do not kick my butt for not posting in about a month or two.

* * *

"You know we are married now." Temari said

"Yes, I am completely aware of the marriage I was there." Shikamaru said

"Don't be a smartass; I was just trying to state something. Do you know what married people do?" Temari asked.

"No, nor do I care. What are you getting at?" Shikamaru asked with one eyebrow raised.

"Nothing, I was just planning to JUMP you when you weren't looking." Temari said half-jokingly.

"What?" Shikamaru said while a little trickle of blood dripped from his nose.

"Omg, you were aroused by that weren't you." Temari laughed and pointed at him.

"What? No I wasn't. I have a headache that's all." Shikamaru said

"Don't lie. That's not very nice or in your case not healthy." Temari told him glaring maliciously which was habit she picked up from Tsunade a while back.

"What do you mean not healthy. I think being around you is not healthy. My existence is not healthy. That person's hat is not healthy." Shikamaru stated pointing at an innocent passerby.

"Hey you leave my poor hat alone. What did my hat ever do to you?" the angry person then stormed off.

"Shut up and walk. Quit arguing with me so we can go home before people realize we are gone from the party." Temari said and grabbed her little deer's hair.

* * *

At that moment:

"Hey it feels like someone is missing." A person said but forgot about it because Changin my life came back as a band to play Love chronicle for the wedding.

* * *

After they got home Temari sat on the couch and began talking about stuff. Shikamaru listened for a while until she fell asleep. It was about 9 when she did fall asleep and she was on the couch too.

'I can't just leave her on the couch it would be uncomfortable.' He thought

So Shikamaru picked her up gently and began carrying her up to her room. The bad part was when he got there a barrier was set up so he couldn't enter and neither could she.

"Damn that Tsunade. She did this didn't she; she always has some malicious thing to do to make my life work. I just know this has something to do with her." He said quitly so not to wake the sleeping wind sorceress.

So Shikamaru carried his wife to his room and laid her on his bed.

'She is so beautiful when she sleeps. I guess now that I am married to her I can think such things." He thought.

Shikamaru bent down and gently touched her face. It was soft and her nose twitched when he touched her. He laughed quietly at the way her nose twitched, but then some fucking asshole knocked on the door and ruined the moment for him.

'Who the hell is it this time?' He thought stomping down the steps.

"It's nine at night why the hell is someone at my door" he said quietly.

When he got to the door it was already open. "What the fuck. Am I being raided while I am still home?" Shikamaru thought aloud.

"Not quiet but you are being warned." An oddly familiar voice said

Shikamaru turned around to see Kankuro sitting in a chair in the corner.

"Don't touch my sister or in any way anger her or you won't be facing her along but you will have me and Gaara on your ass as well. Do you understand?" Kankuro said flatly, or as flat as he could be. Let's just say he didn't pull it off well.

"Kankuro leave him the hell alone. I don't need you to defend me and Shikamaru would never do anything so offending unlike you and your women, you fucking man-whore."

"Hey that hurt. I am not a man whore I prefer the name pimp thank you very much." He replied to his sister.

"Temari…You're awake?" Shikamaru said startled

"Your stomping woke me up" She said grabbing the now burned Kankuro by his collar and throwing him out of the house.

"Well that went well." Kankuro thought and ran off to his apartment.

"What was that all about anyway?" Shikamaru asked Temari

"He just wants to scare you so he doesn't have to worry about being an uncle too soon or me becoming retired."

"So he would do the same thing to Gaara when he gets married?" Shikamaru asked while thinking 'Would Gaara be the kind of person to love someone and be loved in return.'

At the moment he said this Kyo Sohma's curse was broken because until the cat can love someone (Tohru) and be loved in return the curse would remain that is why he was to be confined, so that he could never love or be loved by someone.

"Um…Kankuro would not dare interfere with Gaara's life in anyway. He knows that Gaara can handle his own life by himself and also he is afraid of his sand because it can be very painful to get hit by." Temari said looking around to make sure Kankuro had really left.

Temari yawned and then Shikamaru did as well. (A/N: this is making me yawn too lol.)

"I am sleep lets go to bed." Temari said walking up the stairs and trying to enter her room

"Hey Shikamaru, Why can't I get into my room?" Temari answered frusteratedly.

"I think Tsunade put a barrier on the doorway so you can't get into your room. You could try going through the window or you can sleep in my bed. Either way I don't care." Shikamaru said

"Yeah right you pervert. I would never sleep in the same bed as you." Temari said and walked outside to check and see if the barrier was there too…and…it was.

"Ok I hope there is room for two because the barrier is here too." Temari shouted.

"Hey not so loud the neighbors will hear you and think I am some crazed pervert."

Temari walked up the stairs and in his room then she lied down.

"Don't you dare rape me in my sleep asshole." Temari said and then she fell asleep quickly.

"Pfft, like I would ever do something like that. I would never rape you." Shikamaru said

* * *

Yay! Another chapter by me. Sorry I took so long. Review. NOW! 


	21. Psychochiatrist

Temari woke up well rested and not raped. I wish I could say the same for Shikamaru. He woke up on the floor and in terrible agony.

"Get up and fix me some breakfast DEER" Temari said laughing at her little joke. (A/N: instead of dear she said Deer.)

"I think after breakfast I will go see the psychiatrist." Shikamaru said getting up to cook some bacon for his wonderful new wife.

"What do you need to see a psychochiatrist for?" Temari asked with a concerned look on her face.

"I need to see a PSYCHIATRIST because Tsunade makes my life miserable for no reason." Shikamaru told her wondering why she would ask such a personal question.

"Well, you're not psycho so tell me about it." Temari said insistingly while pushing him to cook.

"Hmm. Well it all started when she made me a chuunin and sent me on that Sasuke retrieval mission. It broke myself esteem and made you torment me for the rest of my life." He said obviously talking about the crybaby thing.

"You also learned responsibility about caring for friends during missions and that nobody else can be a team leader better than you, didn't you." Temari pointed out and waving for him to continue

"Then there was that time she sent me on that return a favor mission and I found out that You out witted me with that chick and then Ino went home crying for a week because she didn't do anything right because me and you did it all just fine alone." Shikamaru said making boo hoo tears.

"Don't make fun of Ino. You also saved my life during that and not to mention Gaara's life. He would have never become Kazekage if you weren't on that mission to instruct the important team members." Temari pointed out yet another good outcome.

"The worst time was when Asuma died and she wouldn't let me go avenge him but then I melted that guys face off. The bad part is I have this crazed urge to smoke now."

"That's all in your head. If you even touch a nasty cigarette I will cut your fingers of one by one until the urge has subsided completely." Temari said angrily this time pulling out a serrated knife.

"Well that's all I have to say. I guess I didn't need a psychiatrist after all. Hmm you made a point today. I think being with you has its benefits after all." Shikamaru said accidentally burning a piece of bacon.

"You bet your ass it does now put a new piece of bacon on there for me when I get back. I am going to the psychiatrist." Temari said walking out the door.

"Hey you can't leave I don't see why you need a psychiatrist anyway." Shikamaru said poking his head out the door.

Temari walked up the steps to the psychochiatrist office. When she got to the top she noticed a sign on the door that read

_Psychiatrist retired do to Sakura's whining. New psychiatrist is only temporary until I find one that actually lives in this village. Good grief what is you people's problems. Next I will be seeing that insane boy Artemis Fowl._

'Ok that's unusual.' Temari thought to herself then walked into the office.

There were several rooms but only one of them was normal and that was the waiting room.

"Please have a seat Temari-san; I will be seeing you shortly after I deal with your brothers problems."

'What my brother is here. I wonder why oh yeah he was tormented as a child and has only talked to that ditz Naruto and my even more airheaded brother Kankuro. I will have to listen to this.' Temari told herself.

"Ok and why do you think they would do such a thing?" Amber said

"Well they want you out of the fucking council isn't it obvious." Gaara said angrily accidentally knocking a plant of the desk.

'This isn't about Gaara's problems, it's about hers. I should stop listening before I get caught. What is going on around here though, I mean why is Gaara handling her problems? He is always saying people should take care of their own problems unless you owe them something.'

"Ok Temari you can come in now." Amber said motioning the oldest sand sib to come in.

Temari followed her into a completely different room with paintings of wind and stuff that is weird.

"Ok what is it that I may help you with?" Amber asked

"Alright let's get to the point. Someone has placed a barrier around my bedroom so I can't get in their to go to sleep forcing me to sleep with Shikamaru who touches me in his sleep unknowingly and I am not used to being touched in my sleep." Temari said without a problem speaking to some chick she met a few days ago.

"My my, that is a serious problem. I bet you Tsunade is behind it too. Knowing her or it could be that old pervert Jiraiya." Amber told her.

"Everyone keeps telling me it's Tsunade who did it. I am not sure what to believe. Not to mention I just listened to Shikamaru tell me all the problems Tsunade has cost him since he became a chuunin. I swear his is a whiney little bitch when he wants to be. I love him though." Temari said slightly blushing.

"Really, It is important that you communicate with your husband so that your marriage doesn't become like my moms, all screwed up and with constant fighting. Gaara tells me you have a passionate side to yourself that many people don't see. I think you should just be yourself and do what you think is right." Amber said off topic

"What does that have to do with the barrier on my door?" Temari said

"Absolutely nothing, I guess that's enough for tonight. See you some other time. Ja ne!" Amber said shoving her out the door.

"That was real helpful" Temari shouted half sarcastically.

'I guess I will go home to Shikamaru for now. I can see I will be sleeping with him for a while, from what people are saying Tsunade is a hard to persuade person once you get to know her.

* * *

Ok I updated pretty quickly hope you like it. Review bitches. 


	22. random day

Man a lot of you changed your name lately. It's confusing but eventually I figured out who was who. I love you guys.

* * *

Shikamaru woke up to Temari snuggled into his arms dozing away most likely unaware of what she was doing.

"Well isn't that adorable." Ino said as Shikamaru looked up surprised to see his to teammates standing in his bedroom with… Oh no Temari in his arms.

"Shut up it's not like I asked her to do this." Shikamaru said getting red in the face from embarrassment. "It's best that I don't wake her though, so that you don't have to see how she is in the morning.

"JUST how do I act in the morning Shikamaru DARLING?" Temari said waking up to see the two people standing in her room.

"Hmm there is my point. I have to go to work so do whatever you want while I am gone just don't break things." Shikamaru said pulling his shirt and vest on.

"Alright I will be a good girl for my master." Temari said sarcastically on purpose just to embarrass him.

"Shikamaru, What have you been doing to her?" Ino and Chouji said at the same time.

"NOTH-Everything. You should see how he treats me like some sex slave." Temari cut in though everything she said was a lie.

"You liar, I never did anything to you. I wouldn't dare touch you if the shinobi world depended on it." Shikamaru said saying more than he meant to say.

"How rude you un-grateful bastard. Get out before I hurt you." Temari said

"Like you would hurt me, you love me too much to harm me." Shikamaru said leaving out the door with his former teammates following close behind.

A little while later the phone rang. So she went to answer it.

"Hello" Temari said casually into the phone though she had no idea who had called.

"Temari sama?" the female voice said

"No, it's Albert Einstein." Temari said sarcastically (A/N Wow she is just full of that today.)

"I'm sorry I must have the wrong number." The voice said in the background you could hear a gimme that phone.

"Hey Temari I want am going shopping for this book that I am obsessed with, since you don't have anything else to do I was wondering if you would like to come with me and Hinata." Amber said.

"Where are Gaara and Kankuro?" Temari asked

"Kankuro is teasing Kelsey about her boyfriend and Gaara is getting ready to go to the next village. He sent me to buy supplies." Amber told her.

"Oh okay I guess if it benefits toward Gaara, I will come." Temari said hanging up the phone before running upstairs and coming back down fully dressed.

* * *

"KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU" The dirty blonde girl yelled loudly

"Hinata you can ride on the back of Kurokawa with me if you want or you can walk it doesn't matter just hurry before my favorite book disappears and I die from anxiety.

"O-ok, I will ride with you." Hinata said stuttering.

Suddenly a bird passing over head screamed "BLUEBERRY MUFFINS!"

"What the hell was that?" Kiba shouted from over the fence.

"Go back into your dog house, little boy" Kelsey screamed "and by the way, I think Shino is gay for you, man!" She added. (A/N: I love Shino man, but FoXySlY hates his guts and wanted me to make Kelsey beat him up but I told her no I would never do that.)

Soon they began riding into the konoha square.

"Ok Hinata, What is the biggest book store in Konoha?" Amber asked feeling slightly dizzy.

"That store over there is the largest one in konoha and still it's pretty small." Hinata said pointing to a small bookstore with icha books displayed in the window and sure enough Kakashi was pressing his face to the glass with a bag of groceries discarded in the dirt next to him.

"Ok I want you to go in and see if they have Shizuko's Daughter by Kyoko Mori in there and if they do I want you to buy the hard back. Here is $17.00. That should cover it but if not tell him to hold they book and come straight back to me and I will give you more money." Amber directed her.

"Why don't you go do it yourself?" Hinata asked

"Because I am not supposed to be at the bookstore and Temari decided she didn't want to come at the last minute so you have too. Plus I don't like people all that much and I tend to be shy maybe even shyer than you." Amber explained as easy as possible.

Hinata went into the bookstore and everything was fine until the world began to freeze up and get darker. Soon there was no feeling and all that was heard was a large thump.

* * *

"Amber…Oh my goodness." Cried a voice believed to be Hinata's

"Sweet Sassy Molassy" that one was obviously Kelsey because she had been saying that lately and I don't know where she learned it from.

"OH MY GOD, YOU ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK, when Hinata came back with you being dragged by your wolf I thought someone had shot you down or struck you or something. Gaara doesn't seem to happy either because know you are an hour late for the next village." Temari said as the unconscious blonde regained herself.

"I'm sorry, I never told anyone about my fainting spells. It doesn't happen very often, only when I am under a great deal of stress. I will be okay now." Amber said.

"You should go home to your husband before he realizes something is missing." Gaara said pushing Temari out of his apartment.

* * *

Temari walked through her door and saw Shikamaru sitting in his chair with a pale face.

"Oh my god you're alive. I thought you had killed yourself because of this morning." Shikamaru said standing up and running over to her.

"No I only went out for a bit, then Amber fainted and I almost had a stroke and Gaara is leaving tonight and I just don't know what to do. Listen I am tired and I want to go to bed. It was hard to live today and all I want to do is sleep." Temari said.

"Yeah, work was hard today too. I was assigned some students and they are pains in the ass. I couldn't sit down to watch clouds for five seconds and one of them kept shouting dilly-dally-shilly-shally and the other one had a sword that was to big and an attitude that was menacingly annoying with his blonde hair and blue eyes. He was too quiet. The third kid had a baton thing and was cursed with this crazy sense of humor and long red hair to match it." Shikamaru said walking up stairs.

He pulled of his shirt which had a lazy looking deer on the front of it and climbed into bed next to her and fell asleep.

* * *

Awe that is so cute I would love to see that in the anime. I sometimes pass out and just about every night I have a dream or two about that book mentioned in this chapter. I am sooo sorry if I distracted you with Amber again. God Amber is such a bitch. Please review. 


	23. What is japanese?

**Oh my kami, did everyone see that shipuuden episode with Temari telling Shikamaru he should hurry up and become a Jounin. That was great, He waited for her to come outside so he could walk her to the gate. I love Masashi Kishimoto...he is a genius.**

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while please forgive me...Do not make bad reviews or I will be angry if you don't like it than don't read it, jackasses...Only referred to the person who made a mean comment on my earlier chapters a few months ago.**

* * *

The three siblings stared at each other for a few minutes 

"Goodbye Gaara, and you too Kankuro...See ya hopefully, Amber and Kelsey...Until we meet again Baki" Temari said wrapping her arms around her brothers

"SEME!" Kelsey cried out enveloping Amber in what seemed to be a constricting embrace..."I don't want to be the seme." Amber told her.

"Ok, Temari here are your conditions...You must promise not to get ; murdered, pregnant, severely injured, divorced, etc..." Gaara said seriously

A blushed swept across her face and yet it faded before anyone noticed "I swear on Kankuro's life that nothing will happen to me" Temari said staring at Shikamaru and then added "hopefully."

"I don't mind kids but we can't have our sister unusable for nine months if we are in severe danger." Gaara added

"Yeah, but I do mind kids. Here is another condition for you to prevent those little bastards from appearing...NO SEX!" Kankuro added being an ass as usual.

"Shut up, It's my body and I will do ass I please, if I can get Shikamaru to stop being lazy long enough to get anything done." Temari added teasing Shikamaru.

"Hey, I married you didn't I, That took a lot of energy and work just to accomplish but I didn't be lazy through the whole thing now did I?" He replied defending himself

"Okay, it's time for us to be going back home" Temari said glaring at Shikamaru

And with that the group walked out of the gates and at the same time Temari dragged her husband by his towards the street that led home.

* * *

'Damn, father was right, we Nara's do attract violent women who abuse us.' Shikamaru thought 'but he was also right when he said they show as tender side to the one that they love' 

Temari stared at him as he thought to himself walking down the unusually empty streets of Konoha.

"Ohayo Temari-chan!" A certain pink haired girl called out."Guess who showed up at my house this morning?" She shouted blissfully.

'Oh kami-sama not her.' "Umm the loch ness monster and big foot? And the reason they came is to tell you they were engaged and were expecting a child, little does the father know that the baby conceived will be a leech and end up killing off both parents." Temari said hoping it would through her off a bit so she could get home in time for her early morning shows.

"Nani?...No but that was a good guess...it was Sai and the best part was, he didn't call me a ugly hag...but I still threw him out when he started talking about Naruto and his lack of a penis...it was gross and I never want to hear about it again." Sakura said.

"Well that's nice, I am going to get going, it's almost time for Shikamaru's bath and then he has to take a nap after that. I have to make sure he falls asleep by 12 or somebody is going to be a bitch in the after noon, Ja-ne!" Temari said and ran down the street far far away from the tree of rumors and lies.

"Did you have to say that?" Shikamaru said

"It was better than the other excuse I had about you and the diaper department in the grocery store." Temari said laughing slightly.

"Well I am glad you didn't use that one then, OH NO!" Shikamaru yelped as he saw Tsunade walking down the road with a menacingly smug look on her face glaring at the two of them.

"Quit being such a crybaby, I don't see what your problem is now. She can't do anything while I am with you or I can report it to the council." Temari said reasuringly.

"Hello Temari-san and Shikamaru san...I was wondering if you would like to play some poker, I need to test my luck." Tsunade said

"Um no, because if we play someone will get hurt...I tend to become violent when I gamble or drink." Temari lied

"Not to mention my parents are coming over to inspect the surroundings of my estate. My mom says if I keep a messy house she will take Temari and make her live with them." Shikamaru said actually telling the truth.

"Nani? Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Temari asked shocked

"I didn't think it was that important." Shikamaru looked at her and said

"Yoku sonna hidoi koto ga ieru ne? (How can you say such a thing?" Temari said in japanese because she recently found out Tsunade doesn't understand japanese

"Could you stop talking in Japanese right now? Let's just go home ok" Shikamaru said walking around a dumbfounded Tsunade

* * *

"I think Shikamaru's marriage will go well don't you?" Yoshino said to her husband who replied with a "yeah sure, whatever." which earned him extra whippings. 

"Our marriage has gone fine, so why shouldn't his?" Yoshino added getting the same reply from her husband as she did before.

"Your sons welfare is in a fine womans hands and you aren't even listening to what I am saying." Yoshino said furiously.

"Look woman, If your so worried about the girl than go visit him by yourself, you'll see she is just find and capable of taking care of herself" Shikaku spat at her, until he realized what he had just done.

"You better watch what you say if you want to live any longer." She said calmly and then she retreated to the bedroom to get dressed approprietly.

* * *

**I know this was short but you will have to bare with me a while. Please review nicely with no crude remarks.**

* * *


	24. Rambling wives club?

**I am so sorry ****estherjiwonkim**** for what ****i**** said at the beginning of my last chapter. I hope you will continue reading and reviewing my story even though ****i**** was so rude to you. ****i**** guess ****i**** was having an off week. Also sorry it took me so long to update.  
**

**I do NOT own ****naruto**** if ****i**** did every girl would be wearing a pretty kimono and all the guys would be the same as they are now.**

* * *

Yoshino looked around at the stuff she had saved for when her son got married. She picked up a large box of heirlooms with the word "For my Son and his Wife" written on it.

She placed a letter inside the box and picked it up as she walked out of the room. "You ready to go" She said to her husband who replied with a nod and they walked ou the door.

Yoshino was happy and sad at the same time, she never thought her son would leave her. As for Shikaku he was happy his son was married and out of his hair that meant he could retire, but that also meant he had to listen to Yoshino screech at him every five or ten minutes.

The walk wasn't far but it was harder for them to move every time they stepped toward their sons house, this wasn't because they were old because heaven forbid they weren't but because they were having fights with their inner selves.

"They should be here soon!" Shikamaru called up to Temari from downstairs. Temari didn't hear him for she was too busy getting ready, though she wonder why, she was

cleaning and tidying up their room. Her hair was let down because she normally didn't wear it up in pony tails because she was at home.

"Nani?, Uh what do I do now?" Temari thought to herself, she had met his parents before but it felt different now.

"Um, You could start by getting your ass down here." Shikamaru said walking in the room and taking her by the hand, then leading her out the door to greet his parents.

doki doki 'what is this why is my heart beating like this' Temari thought as she smiled at Yoshino and her husband, whom was overwhelmed by a large box.

"Oh my, Shikamaru aren't you the gentlemen, holding her hand like that." Yoshino laughed pointing to a red faced Shikamaru.

"Shut up old lady, Its not like that!" Shikamaru retorted dropping her hand abruptly.

"SHIKAMARU!!!"-Yoshino's face looked scary like an evil spirit-"PICK-HER-HAND-UP-RIGHT-NOW-AND-DON'T-LET-GO-ALL-DAY!!!" Yoshino said all anime ghost like

"Now, show your father into the house while holding hands" Yoshino said grinning evilly.

"It's okay miss Yoshi-" Temari said but was dragged away by Shikamaru who was pushing his father into the house with his free hand.

Yoshino sweatdrops 'They're just like me when I was young she thought.

Temari watched Shikaku walk toward the couch and sit down, then he turned on the television and began to watch his favorite program "The Late late show w/ Karasu and

Kuroari" (Author note/ I love the late late show with Craig Ferguson.)

Yoshino walked in and saw her husband making himself at home, "Shikaku dear, WHAT are you doing? I thought we were going to watch they're lifestyle." Yoshino said.

Suddenly the phone rang and Temari picked it up. "Moshi Moshi, Nara Desu." Temari said. (Author note: thats how you pick up the phone in japan and you have to say

your last name too.)

"Temari-san I need to ask you a question." The shyest girl in the whole village asked.

"What is it Hinata?" Temari inquired. then Temari felt a heavy pain in her bladder, she had to pee. "Hinata can you hold on a moment I have to go the the bathroom really

bad."

She laid the phone down on the table and walked away and about a minute later Shikamaru walked by the phone, He could hear a voice saying hello.

"Who said that?" Shikamaru said

"It was the phone." the voice replied...Shikamaru looked at the phone..."OH MY GOD...THE PHONE IS POSSESSED BY THE EVIL DEMON LORD. (ha ha ha, Nana

Komatsu)

And with that he threw the phone at the wall and it broke.

Then Temari came out and saw what happened.

" Shikamaru, why did you do that?" Temari said staring him down.

" The phone was talking to me, I thought it was the evil demon lord out to destroy our marriage." He said kind of embarrassed for being so stupid

"It's ok, I guess we will just use the other phone even though it looks tacky." temari said resting her head on his broad shoulders.

"Aww that is so cute, Temari you seem to be very affectionate, thats good for Shikamaru but are you also one to keep him in line." Yoshino said walking into the room.

"You bet your ass she -" then he was hit on the head with a large fist.

"Shikamaru, how dare you swear in the presence of lovely goddesses, You know I raised you better than that." Shikaku scolded his son.

"Shut up, you do it too, not to mention I have every right to swear as much as I want because Temari does it too." Shikamaru exclaimed.

"Yup, its true. I Cuss a lot but I have good reason for it. If you lived with a face painted ass, and a well emotionally challenged teenager, you would be cussing too. I take that back you did live with an emotionally challenged teenager." The sand princess proved her point to them in quite colorful way.

"You are absolutely wonderful, just the kind of woman I like to hang around with. I think you are doing a wonderful job taking care if this boring laze of a man." Yoshino established with a smile

"Hey why am I the one who is always insulted whenever a fight erupts." Shikamaru whined.

"**Because you we can't let you win!" **The two women shouted at the same time.

Yet again he lost to mankind's sinful desire…women.

"Don't have sex son, Sex is for married people" Shikaku said "Oh wait you are married people in that case do whatever you want, that's what I do." Shikaku said staring at his wife while crazy music played.

"Want to know something cool" Temari said "In my family the men get pregnant instead of the women." Temari said

"What are you serious?" Shikamaru exclaimed while being stunned.

Both Temari and Yoshino broke into laughter. Then they walked away and out the door.

"So where do you think they are going?" Shikaku asked

"I dunno probably one of those crazy wife get-togethers where they talk about their husbands and stuff." Shikamaru said.

* * *

SURE ENOUGH HE WAS RIGHT. 

"So Mrs. Temari Nara has joined us has she!? Oh and she brought Mrs. Yoshino too." One of the weird ladies said

"Hello Temari and Yoshino." Some Pink Haired nameless lady said.

"Hi nameless lady." Temari said while waving.

Then they all sat down in a comfy looking beige colored sofa. While two other women sat on a wicker bench and the nameless lady was seated in a rocking chair.

"Since Temari is new she can talk first, So what's it like being married to the village's smartest shinobi?" the leader asked.

"Well, its kind of a drag. He can be so helpless sometimes and he complains a lot. But never about me…he just smiles and turns away all shy and stuff." Temari said. "He does have some very good points to him though. Like when I say something that someone like Sakura or Ino wouldn't comprehend he completely understands or at least he is smart enough to convince me that he does."

"Wow that sounds very interesting. Please continue." Another blonde chick said

"Sometimes, When I can't figure out some of the things that bother me, he seems to know the perfect way to fix them. He is much more useful than everyone led me to believe." Temari said fixing her stare at a painting of a couple in a gondola on the wall.

"Interesting, Time to here your latest problem with your husband Yoshino." Nameless said.

"Now, He won't even pay attention to anything I say. Earlier I was talking about our visit to my sons house and all he ever did was nod and continue reading the newspaper. Sometimes he will give me remark like 'did you ever consider that you might be fat" or something like that and it usually ends with him getting his ass kicked…" the conversation went on for ours so this is as far as I will tell you because it would take too long. The day was over by the time she shut up.

Temari went home to find Shikamaru asleep on the couch. So she left him there…just kidding.

Temari woke him up and they went to bed.

Find out what happened during the night in the next issue of shojo beat…just kidding. In the next chapter find out what happened. READ AND REVIEW.


	25. Author's note from the Author's Friend

Hiya!

Authoress grey-fox-lullaby here with an announcement of why my friend Sabaku-no-Amber hasn▓t updated yet.

Before you freak out, she gave me permission to post this. She lives at my house now.

Anyways, due to recent laziness and no inspiration, she hasn▓t typed anything. (glares at Amber, who is currently reading ⌠Shojo Beat■ on her couch)

She promises to finish this story. Just not right now. For those of you who need something to do, why don▓t you search up my story ⌠Of Brothers, Grape Jelly, and Black Paint■

Amber: Stop using my page for advertising! 

Me: Mwahahahahahahaha! Hurry! Read it before she kills me!

Seriously, just be patient. I▓ll make her finish this fan fiction soon.

TTFN, ta ta for now! 


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